a God-Ordained Deficiency

Good Morning all!  This morning I woke up with a very bad pain in my neck.  I think it is from all the sneezing and coughing I have been doing.  Could really use another trip to the chiropractor but I just went a couple of weeks ago!  When my neck gets like this it makes it really painful to do the smallest of chores.  Cooking or washing dishes can be difficult even sitting to just read to the kids is hard.  It is so aggravating to have so much to do but be unable to get it all done.  Can any of you relate?  Well last night in our "Radical" class we discussed just that.  I am not one to harp at anyone for missing church but I wish you could all be apart of this amazing small group.  Last night I was so overcome with conviction that I could hardly speak.  We discussed how God uses us and others in our weaknesses.  Not our strengths which honestly we would all prefer.  I think when He uses us through our "God-given" abilities we think we get to share in a little bit of His glory.  And we look so fabulous when we get to do something great for Him!  But that is not how He chooses to do His most powerful work.  No one admires weakness or flaws.  As I mentioned in my last email I HATE my weaknesses!  One area I have always hated is how there is just never enough money.  (I am sure some of you can relate to that!)  With three kids there is always someone in need of shoes, clothes, trips and so on and so on.  I have always hated saying to the kids "well I can't get that for you just yet" or "we will have to wait on that"  I have always longed for the moment when there would be enough money for everything everyone needed and wanted.  Last night I was faced with the truth that God has done His most amazing work in my life concerning my lack in this area.  Who am I to deny the King of the Universe an area in my life.  An area where He desires to get glory from I have said "NO!" or "Enough" How truly rotten.  So last night Terry and I continued to grapple with this issue.  The only thing we could think of was we are going to have to totally transform our thinking.  I mean scrape all this "moral filth" out and replace with His truth.  I mean really scrape cause it is clinging to my heart and brain.  Like barnacles stuck to a boat. (Sorry we are reading about ocean life in school)  I woke up with the pain in my neck and a heavy feeling in my chest.  But God took the heaviness away this morning in my time with Him.  I laid it at His feet.  Asked forgiveness and begged Him to transform and renew my mind.  I can't even begin to do this on my own.  To take pride in my humble estate as it says in James.  As Americans, as humans we try to get out of our humble estate to something better and grander!  And really can I truly call what I am living in humble?  Compared to what millions of others are living in and dealing with, going without.  I think not.  I have rambled on so this morning I know.  Forgive me.  Sometimes these emails help me to process what God is doing in my heart.  I hope that today when you begin to loathe a certain area of your life I hope this gives you a new perspective.  That this flaw or weakness or lack is a God-Ordained deficiency. 
Love you and have a great week walking with Him
Carrie