Me and the Israelites....

Do you ever get tired of the same old struggles?  I do.  I have a relationship in my life that if left up to me I would choose to avoid.  It causes pain and confusion and never lives up to my expectations.  It doesn't appear to be getting any better no matter how hard I try.  But that is what I feel like God just spoke to me a little bit ago.  That once again I was trying in my own power and strength to fix this relationship.  The truth is I am just not strong enough.  The truth is I must confess to God that only He can bring healing in this relationship.  The truth is that His healing may not be the way I want it to be.  The truth is the healing may not come this side of heaven, no matter how bad I want it to be here, now.  He has reminded me of this time and time again.  But here I am this morning still going round and round with it in my heart and mind.  My humanness wants everything to be right and peaceful and pleasant all the time.  But the very humanness of me and others around me prevents that from being.  It is so very easy to get discouraged.  To want to sit in the Kroger parking lot and cry over it.  (Not that I have ever done that or anything)  Last night as I was reading in the Bible, in Numbers, about how God told Moses to record all that the Israelites had went through on their journey to the promised land I was struck once more of the similarities of me and them.  Both freed from bondage.  Both ongoing struggles of doubt, disobedience, rebellions.  They finally arriving at their destination, me a hope of the land ahead.  Moses recorded that they camped here then left and stayed there.  Camped there, left here, camped here, left there.  Each stage along the way God teaching them, guiding them, forgiving them then having to teach them all over again.  Totally familiar to me!  I have spent countless energy mulling, complaining, crying over this situation that refuses to be fixed then reminded that He is in control of it all along.  His discipline is bittersweet.  It hurts that I have failed to give Him this matter AGAIN.  But sweet to know He takes me back forgives me and speaks comforting words over me and my life and the life of my children.  That He has not left us out in the desert to fiend for ourselves, He has a plan.  One that will be better and have sweeter results than what I ever could have brought about on my own.  And like the Israelites I have made progress all along the way.  Be it small at times it is still a step taking me closer to Him.  How grateful I am for His Sovereignty.  I know this has been more like a journal entry into my diary than an email.  But as always it is where I am at this morning.  Overwhelmed at where He has brought me and all the healing He has already done in my life.  Hopeful that as I stay faithful and hold to His hand for dear life that more is still to come.  Tearful that I briefly let go of His trusting hand.  Bruised from my stumbling when I went my own way with things.  Comforted that once again my Heavenly Father came and got me, scolded me for running off then cleaning me up lovingly once again.  We are walking again this morning together.  I hope this encourages you too to hold on. 
     Dear Father please forgive me for allowing my thoughts to swerve me off the path.  I have stewed over this one relationship.  Questioned why you would have me still dealing with it when it seems to not make sense and hurts some.  Please fill in the gaps around me for my husband, for me and for my kids.  You are the ultimate Healer and Provider.  Thank you for bringing me back to you.  Thank you for what you have done and what I am confident you are going to do in the future for my family.
In Your Name, Amen.
Hope you girls have a great week! Get in the Word and Stay in the Word!
Carrie