Terry and I were just having a conversation on the phone that involved me saying " I would rather God continue showing me my sin, as painful as it is, then to leave me alone". These past two years of my life God has allowed His words to be a mirror. The kind that I had as a teenager. You know the mirror that on one side you look normal but on the other side every flaw is magnified. For several months God has highlighted all my sin. Sometimes it has felt like more than my soul could bear. But always the pain has been followed with grace and mercy and forgiveness. We have also seen Him move in really big ways. It seems that the Christian life is one of pain and blessing working hand in hand. Today I fight deep grief over an area of pride and cynicism that He has revealed that did not belong in one of His childrens life. Oh how it turned my stomach. Then the gratefulness of Him protecting me from myself. Protecting me from marring His name. With all my heart, soul, and mind I want to live for Him and bring Him glory, to make His name renown. But how much my flesh gets in the way. Several months ago I received an old book that likened this flesh and spirit tug of war to weapons. Our spirit being like a sword that needs to be sharpened everyday. Sharpening the spirit comes from time with Christ in prayer and the Scriptures. This sharpening of the spirit will result in a mouth that speaks kindly, sparingly, affirmatively and respectfully. I have wrote these words on my hand, on post it notes around the house, I may even get a tatoo of it! (Just kidding) So many of my sins fall into sins of the mouth. I just can't seem to shut myself up! These sins show up like big ugly zits in my magnifying mirror. I would bet it is safe to say some of you or women you know have this struggle. I would even say that there is an epidemic among Christian women not controlling their mouths. Never giving a thought to the words that stab at our children, our neighbors, or our friends. As women of God we are to be growing, changing and leaving our wretched sin habits behind. Sadly, too many of us sit on our salvation. Missing the blessing of watching Him truly change our hearts and minds. There has yet to be a more greater miracle than a changed life for Christ. This change is not complete until we take our first breath in heaven. May we all take our sin seriously. As seriously as Christ took it, all the way to the cross. There, He took our sins, nailing them to that cross. And daily that is where we are to take them, allowing Him to crucify them, and just as He was resurrected, so are we as we leave the flesh there. Painful, yes, very. Worth it, yes, oh so much.
As for our adoption we are attempting to send off the dossier this week. Dossier is just a fancy word for a big stack of complicated and costly paperwork. This dossier has been a thorn in my side for too, too many months. I had hoped and prayed that it would leave my hands in June, but God has His own time table. And for that I can honestly say I am grateful. He has Smith #6 already in mind and I must wait for Him to bring it about in His timing. Please continue to pray for us as we have shed many tears from the frustrating process. It is very hard to explain to a 9 year old why exactly we just can't go get this child who needs us, NOW!! Please continue that there will be no more hold ups with the dossier. Please pray for us to live intentionally as we wait for more of His plan to unfold.
Pressing On,
Carrie
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