I am stained...

Good Morning!! 

I hope all of you all had a wonderful Christmas and that you were able to find some time to truly contemplate the wonder and miracle of Christ taking on flesh to save a lost world. 
If you have read my emails for any length of time you should know that after Christmas, Terry and I do our state of the family meeting.  For the past several years we have set a night aside to devote to talking about our family's strengths, our weaknesses, our successes and failures of the past year and our goals for the next one.  We haven't yet planned the night the official talk will happen but we have already started discussing what all the Lord has done this year.  If I was to write a book about all the ways the Lord has worked, delivered, provided for our family, I am not sure anyone would believe me.  It seems He delights in displaying His glory for the Smiths.  I can honestly say we have done nothing special to deserve His favor.  But yet His favor has been with us.  The most awesome thing about that is He desires and delights in doing the very same thing for your family.  I would love love to hear the ways He has worked in your family this year and any other year.  You can go to the chicks and chocolate blog and add a comment for all to see what works the Lord has wrought.  Chicksandchocolateblogspot.com is the address.

One verse that the Lord keeps bringing to my heart over and over lately is one I have shared before.  James 1:27 Religion that is pure and undefiled before God, the Father, is this: to visit orphans and widows in their affliction, and to keep oneself unstained from the world.  Now, as you know we are in the process of adoption so this verse is very familiar to me.  However, for some reason I have never contemplated the second part...to keep oneself unstained from the world.  It hit me hard this week.  How do I do that O Lord?  One version says unspotted and another says polluted.  It is so hard to not be stained by this world.  It isn't something we can stay on the defense with.  We have to be on the offense, moving forward against it.  If we only combat this world when it hits us we will be caught off guard and maybe knocked down.  Sometimes these stains are so subtle, so sneaky, so nice looking that we don't even remember being tainted.  One of my children very recently said to Terry and me "Why does doing bad seem so fun or feel so good?"  Gulp!  Glad Terry was there for that one!  The Holy Spirit has shed some light on some areas where I have been polluted.  And it sickens me.  As a matter of fact it kept me up last night.  I got up this morning weary of trying to remove the stains.  So spent that I longed for Heaven.  As a parent I weary of keeping myself free of the trappings of this world but seeing my children become entangled can be more than I can bear.  Oh how I wish I could be my kids Holy Spirit, I think.  Doesn't it stink that they have a will of their own!  But then there are those moments when you see them choose right, even when it is hard.  Or when they come to you after reading "Search my heart, O Lord" and they feel they need to repent before the Lord and you.  Could this be just a glimpse of what our Heavenly Father feels?  The pain of watching us immerse ourselves in the garbage of this world and then the gut-wrenching, heart breaking confession followed by the joy of being clean, truly clean. Spotless, unstained, white as snow before our Holy God.  I realize this has been an awful lot of rambling. Forgive me.  But for some reason the start of a New Year and this verse of keeping myself unstained by this world are going together.   Not sure if this will be our focus as a family this year or not, but it will definitely be something, I pray, work towards.  More Him, less spots.

Pressing On,
Carrie

chicks_christmas_flyer2.pdf

chicks_christmas_flyer2.pdf

2 Marks of a true follower of Christ

Rescue those who are being taken away to death;
   hold back those who are stumbling to the slaughter.
12If you say, "Behold, we did not know this,"
    does not he who weighs the heart perceive it?
Does not he who keeps watch over your soul know it,
   and will he not repay man according to his work?
Proverbs 24:11-12
     Everyday before I start school with the kids I read the Proverb for the day.  I realize that while they eat that bowl of Frosted Mini Wheats or eggs and toast that they may not be tuned in keenly to what I am reading.  But my prayer is that they will pick up on truths that will be planted deep, deep down in the well of their soul.  Every new month we start over, reading the same ones over and over.  But last month on the 24th those two verses struck something deep in my own soul.  So I did a study on them.  Turns out that what those verses are referring to are two-fold. 
     First, it is directing that as true followers of God we are to care for those who are suffering.  When God reveals a need to us, when He lets us in on a plight of some form we are to do what we can to relieve that person.  The orphans of course come to my mind since that is where we are walking.  But of course it is for the widows, the poor and homeless, the tired and weary, the hurting.  There is no need to pray God should I help, the prayer is HOW can I help.  Does He want me to provide food? A hug and encouraging words?  Money?  My home?  My time?  We are His people bearing His name.  We can not sit by and say "But we did not know".  God perceives our hearts, He holds us accountable.   We are to lead the way to bandage the broken and hurting, "to hold back those being taken away to death, those stumbling to the slaughter".  Never have I seen such hurting world-wide, never have I seen so many chances to be God's hands and feet.  It can be overwhelming.  God help us to be focused on where You are at work and give us a discerning heart to MOVE and DO!
     Second, the verses point to rescuing those being taken away to death through a life of sin.  If we see someone stumbling to the slaughter, taking a path that will lead to their demise, we are to ACT.  Again we can not say "Behold we did not know this."  People are all around in droves marching to their graves in need of a Savior.  How dare us not invest in their lives.  We must.  God says.  The times in which we live demands us to measure every activity against His word.  True followers of Christ must de tangle themselves from the world and pursue people.  Now, am I saying we are to quit all extra curricular activities and do a mass evangelism door to door every day all day??  No of course not!  We must though change the reason we do them.  If you take your kids to ball use this as an activity to reach out to your community for Christ.  Meaning get involved in their lives.  Build relationships.  Don't just invite them to church, even though that is great.  Do Not just give them a tract even though that is good too.  Learn their hurts, their background, go to dinner with them.  Speak truth into their lives.  If you work, that is no longer just a job, a way of providing for your family.  It is now a battlefield where you seek out the ones the enemy has injured and lied to and you are escorting them to the path of life.  This includes our Christian brothers and sisters.  We all have stumbled onto the wrong path and need help and encouragement coming back.
     I feel like God has shown me that this is a true mark of a true follower.  We can not simply declare His name, or accept His salvation.  We must do, obey what He says.  And clearly He has spoken.
     I hope I didn't bore you with rambling.  God has convicted me about all this lately.  It is where I am walking.  May God change our hearts. I pray He speaks to you clearly too.  May He stir us to ACT and SIT NO MORE!
Pressing On,
Carrie

Ashton Kutcher, Demi Moore and Me

So....have you heard?  Apparently Ashton Kutcher cheated on Demi Moore!!!  Demi Moore?!  Who in their right mind would cheat on Demi Moore?  One would think there is no hope for us all if Demi Moore couldn't keep her man happy right?? Wrong!  This news supports mine and Terry's theory that affairs are never about the sex or the looks.  Oh sure that aids the process, but really it reveals an affliction of the heart.  A longing to be filled that is rarely ever just physical.  I have experienced despair of the soul.  A longing for things to be made right.  For peace.  For love.  For justification.  Every time a situation occurs that hurts or wounds me or someone I love, I question "Lord, how do I handle this? How do You want me to respond?" Oh sure I experience anger, frustration, sorrow, the want of revenge.  But the Lord has taught me in the midst of these emotions to seek His voice otherwise I make a bigger mess.  Just now I was alone doing laundry.  Ahh, alone.  Rare moments of a home schooling moms life.  Anyway, I was thinking.  Have you ever noticed the way us women can think of two things at one time?  This was one of those moments.  I was mulling over a situation my family is dealing with and questioning God with the whys.  At the same time I had praise music going and I was grateful that I had spent time in His word this morning and how it comforted me.  Then I had one of those times when God shouts over my thoughts and the noise.  He said "See, Carrie.  All of these trials, all of these tear filled days of the past and present have created in you a longing for Me and My Word." Yes. Yes it has.  We all have longings.  We can let them be filled by Him and through Him or we can turn to the world for fulfillment.  The problem with the world, as we all know, doesn't fill.  It doesn't last.  It creates a bigger longing.  More darker and deeper than before.  Remember Jesus at the well with the woman.  I am the woman at the well.  You are the woman at the well.  You may not be an adulteress, or Ashton Kutcher, but you have longings, troubles, unmet desires.  He offers the water, the truth, His Spirit.  What will we choose?
    Dear Father help us not to miss the grand point of this life.  To know you, glorify you and enjoy You forever.  My heart aches God.  My sisters may ache.  May we bring our empty jars to You and no one else.  We may never know the whys of this problem or that but we know the Who.  Amen.
Pressing On,
Carrie

God give me strength to give something from nothing....

This morning Terry and I had what you may call "intense fellowship"  Not big, not loud, but disagreement.  Now God has really been working on my heart lately, especially my anger.  I just heard some of you gasp.."Carrie struggle with anger"???  I know you all thought I was perfect!:)  But I do.  Big ugly bad temper.  I would love to blame this on my dad but God took that excuse and smashed it.  I struggle with anger cause I am a big rotten sinner who likes everything to go my way all the time.  I say when, I say who, I say how!  You get the picture???  Anyway, this morning after we had "had words" I had a decision I had to make....Was I going to make this husband of mine breakfast like I always do or was I going to toss a cereal bar at his face on the way out the door?  God whispered...and I knew I had to let Him have control of me and this pot that was boiling.  I decided I was going to cook him a BIG breakfast!  Your right God lets KILL him with kindness.  Then God whispered again...but it was hard to hear over the slamming of pots and pans and cabinet doors.  Eventually He got through.  Was I going to cook this breakfast in the right spirit so my kids could see Christ working through me, so they could see a love for their daddy that goes deeper than any spat, so they could see commitment to a covenant that God ordained. Well I am not sure they saw any of that but I felt an overwhelming blanket of peace cover me from head to toe as I gave in to Christ's prompting.  The issue between Terry and I was not resolved, but I had not sinned in my anger.  Christ working in me provided that big beefy husband of mine with grits, eggs and toast for his day.  And He had slayed the anger beast in me!  This led me to start pondering  all of life's inconveniences and all the excuses we make about falling short.  I have been guilty of losing my temper with my kids and blaming it on them when really it was my poor time management, home organizing skills or the fact that I had slept too late for a quiet time with the Lord, that stressed me that made me lash out.  We say we don't have the time, strength, energy to do the tasks that He has clearly set before us.  And we don't.  But with all my heart I believe that if our priorities are in line with His and we come up short of time, strength, energy, resources, patience, love, faith, forgiveness that is where He wants us.  Beyond ourselves so He gets the glory.  He fills in the gaps and stretches us farther than we ever thought we could.  It was not Carrie who got the praise or glory.  Not I who did it right.  Not I who got the credit as I handed that shocked man of mine his plate.  But Christ.  O sweet Christ working in me. Me, a busted, broken clay pot.   As I type, I am moved to tears that someone so perfect didn't give up on me.  Didn't wash His hands of me.  Didn't say to God "we have convicted her of her temper for the last time.  She just doesn't get it".  No, He stayed till I got it and is teaching me a new song. Oh, how I love Jesus.  I want to urge you to give beyond your means today with me.  If there is someone God has told you to love, forgive, spend time with and encourage and you have put it off, don't any longer.  Give out of your shortcoming.  Give out of your fatigue and your empty bank account. (Use wisdom, of course)  And watch Christ use you for His glory.
By the way....we made up!  (Terry wants to aggravate me more often!)
Have a great day!
Pressing On,
Carrie

a light at the end of the tunnel

If you have walked with the Lord for any length of time, you know full well  that there are seasons in your journey.  Two weeks ago began a rather difficult battle in my mind.  I can't explain it really.  I just became bombarded with thoughts.  Thoughts of what ifs??  Thoughts of fear and loneliness.  I couldn't shake it.  I couldn't pray it away.  All that I had was constantly battling the lies with truth.  And getting to that point was like seeing a dim light at the very end of a very dark tunnel.  For I know the plans I have for you, declares the LORD, plans for welfare and not for evil, to give you a future and a hope, Jer 29:11.  The verse that I have given to Grace-Ann to memorize to help her with her fears was the one I was clinging to in the shower when I found myself unable to breath due to doubts of that future.  This morning however the cloud has lifted, for whatever reason.  On this first day of a brand new season I just want to encourage you if find yourself in that funk, or cloud or tornado or fire or just plain dark to keep walking.  Keep talking to Him.  Keep reading His word, devour it even.  Keep working out your salvation.  Do not panic.  Do not quit.  Do not act out or react to. Just keep walking.  You will find Him faithful and that fact makes the new season so much more precious.
Love you girls and I hope you have a great weekend!
Pressing On,
Carrie

Pain is never wasted....

The LORD is a stronghold for the oppressed, a stronghold in times of trouble
Psalm 9:9
    
     This world has a way of pressing in on us.  The weight of the worries and trials can sometimes drive a follower of Christ to despair.  You know the moment where you just want to cover your head and hunker further down into the bed.  At those times we realize again how very little of this life we are in control of.  It is a critical point in our walk.  There in that bed, or wherever you choose to have your breakdown,  we have a decision.  A decision to again turn to Christ and proclaim "Lord you are my stronghold, my stronghold in times of trouble".  Or to turn the other way and sin.  It is a sin to turn from our Lord in our despair.  It is a sin to prolong the wallowing.  To turn away from the work He is orchestrating through that pain.  It is a sin when we declare we will pull ourselves up by our bootstraps, throw the covers back and go our own way, determining to not let THAT happen again.  It is a sin to attempt to medicate the sorrow with food, alcohol, shopping or what ever vice you can name.  But that is what we so often do.  Some of us have walked with the Lord long enough to know better.  We know that pain is never ever wasted.  Always through pain God reveals a sin pattern that needs to be dealt with, a hurt that needs His attention, or a relationship that needs addressing.  If we will only let Him.  But oh that requires a moment of quiet.  To be still before Him.  We are so tempted here to lament our troubles to Him and then when we are done we wipe our snotty nose, dust the fuzz off our knees and go about our day fixing the mess ourselves or worse, ignoring it!  All of this gushes out of my heart from experience this morning.  The Lord continues to grip me with this lesson.  I am learning to be quiet but it is o so hard.  This exercise we continue to do together requires me to lay my so-called rights down.  "But Lord, I whine I do have rights, right?" "Nope" He says.  "Lord I mean I do have the right to live this life without some fool hurting my feelings, doing me wrong, or protect my wants and needs  or blah blah blah blah????  Surely Lord I have the right to protect my reputation??"  Again He lets me whine but again if I listen and I have got to strain to hear Him over my sobs I will hear Him say "NO child I am doing a new work in you to get glory and to let the world see I can make something from nothing!"  Here I can wearily agree with Him and let Him work or I can take myself off this operating table and go about with the limp, pretending as if I am fine.  How foolish to miss the blessing, the healing.
      "O God help me to be still before you.  Forgive me for turning away from you, busying myself with noise and activity.  I don't want to do that again.  You O God are the stronghold for the oppressed, You are MY stronghold in times of trouble. Not chocolate, not sex, not books, not TV, not alcohol, not my husband, not my kids, not exercise.  There is only You and that is enough."

Press On,
Carrie

Terry, Spurgeon and me

Good Morning!

I wanted to share a short excerpt from a book Terry and I are reading together.  It is titled Morning and Evening  by Charles Spurgeon.  It is a devotional written by Spurgeon, but revised by Alistair Begg, using the ESV.  There is one short devotion for morning and one for the evening.  God has used it mightily.  Last night the Lord got all up in our business.  I mean  you know when you have to reprimand your child because you see them doing something you don't like and you have to get right up in their face so they know the seriousness of what you are talking about.  That is what our Father did with us last night!  Ouch!  I was still thinking about it when I woke up this morning!  Our prayer was Lord do not let us ignore what you have plainly spoken to us!  But that is not what I want to share with you this morning.  This morning the devotion was about waiting.  I just thought it too good to keep to myself, as we are all in the waiting about something.  Waiting on an answer.  Waiting on a blessing.  Waiting on a word.  Waiting on....

 August 3o                           Morning
                   
                               Wait for the Lord.--Psalm 27:14

It may seem an easy thing to wait, but it is one of the postures that a Christian soldier can not learn without years of teaching.  Marching and quick-marching are much easier for God's warriors than standing still.  There are hours of perplexity when the most willing spirit, anxiously desiring to serve the Lord, does not know what role to play.  Then what shall it do?  Vex itself by despair?  Retreat back in cowardice, turn to the right hand in fear, or rush forward in presumption? No, simply wait.  Wait in prayer, however.  Cal lupon God, and spread the matter before Him; tell Him your difficulty, and plead His promise of help. In dilemmas between one duty and another, it is best to be humble as a child and wait with simplicity of soul upon the Lord.  It is sure to be well with us when we feel and know our own folly and are genuinely willing to be guided by the will of God.  But wait in faith.  Express your unstaggering confidence in Him; for unfaithful, untrusting waiting is just an insult to the Lord.  Believe that if He keeps you waiting even until midnight, He will still come at the right time; the vision will come and not delay.  Wait in quiet patience, not rebelling because things are difficult, but blessing your God for the privilege of affliction.  Never grumble against the second cause, as the children of Israel did against Moses, never wish you could go back to the world again, but accept the circumstance as it is, and put is as it stands, simply and with your whole heart, without any selfish agenda, into the hand of your covenant God, saying, "Now, Lord, not my will, but Yours be done.  I do not know what to do.  I am at an end of myself, but I will wait until You part the floods or drive back my enemies.  I will wait, even if You test me for a while, for my heart is fixed upon You alone, O God, and my spirit waits for You in the deep conviction that You will still be my joy and my salvation, my refuge and my strong tower"

Wow! Hope you were encouraged and challenged as much as Terry and I were. 
Have a great week. STAY IN HIS WORD EVERYDAY!! 

Pressing on, in the waiting,
Carrie

Its all about me, right?????

     Satan loves us to get distracted.  By us, I mean God's people.  He loves us to get distracted by our preferences, our rights, our lusts, our commitments, our failures, our victories, our addictions.  When we are distracted his job is easier.  He doesn't worry about souls being added to the kingdom when we are obsessing about the car we would like to have, the music we like to hear, the 10 lbs we need to lose, etc.  The world is in need of a living Savior that can rescue them from a living misery and a burning hell.  And we are idling our time away talking of the latest fashion or the new outrageous celebrity.  I know this sounds a bit heavy for a wonderful Friday morning, but I couldn't sleep last night.  I first laid awake thinking of all the things that seem so pressing that didn't get done that need to get done.  Worrying about things that could happen, not have happened, just could happen.  Then the Lord reminded me once again that we are in the process of adopting a child.  One that could be born already.  One that could be hungry and alone.  Connected to that child is a mother so desperate that she gives her child up, either because she is dying or is going to and possibly go to hell.  This mother is part of a village which is part of a city which is part of a country that is suffering from severe drought.  And here I lay awake fretting over such small unimportant details.  I was convicted.  I am not saying we should all live in tents, reject society and all its trappings and all adopt hungry kids.  I am just sharing that when we get so caught up in what we want and what we think we need or deserve or prefer we lose all influence on a lost and needy world.  They see no difference between us and them.  So they don't see their need for what we say we "got".  This morning I prayed that God would please remind me of this always.  I don't want my life to have been spent for naught.  When I die I don't want there to be a pile of possessions left over to divide up between my kids, and that be it.  I want there to be this legacy that Christ truly mattered in my heart.  That His convictions ruled my life.  That I put off anger and resentment and bitterness and put on His Holy garment of kindness, longsuffering and patience.  That there was real joy in the midst of trials.  That I lived at the end of myself and then God came and made His glory known.  That when my life is over my kids experienced a real, true and living God that influenced my behavior, my words and my actions.  God help me to not be distracted!
    
      Father I pray for you to always grip my heart the way you did last night.  May I never put my wants over what you want for me, your people or your church.  May I never be so busy with the urgent to not offer a cup of living water to someone thirsty.  Please help me not to think of only myself but  the world, the whole world around me.  In Your Name, Amen.

Sorry if I bummed you out, this is where I am this morning...

Pressing On,
Carrie

My mom

Good Morning Chicks! 
     I know that you are all as excited as I am about it being Friday!!  I wanted to first thank all of you that came to our meeting the other night.  I was overwhelmed at the amount of you that chose to come instead of being at home on the couch.  I have thanked God for the many different women that came over and over.  Just the fact that so many of us from different ages and stages came together to pray and fellowship is amazing not to mention the work we did in building walls for our family and the families around us.  I truly think God could do something big in our midst.
     Several of you have asked how my mother was doing and if she was alright.  After it was over we talked and shared a laugh about it.  My mom was just as surprised as I was about the emotion that leaped from her soul that night.  You see my mom and I have always communicated very honestly with each other.  The things I shared with her that night was nothing new.  But, she was very tired from the constant caregiving  that she gives to my grandmother and has very little time left over to come to church to get the fellowship and encouragement she so desperately needs.  We both think all that combined with being reminded of the pain from our past caused that heartbreaking sob.  Since that night I have prayed for my mom with a renewed fervor.  That praying has led to so many memories, some painful but alot of great ones too.  My mom did the impossible.  She raised 2 daughters on one income and most importantly continued taking us to church every time the doors were open when I now know she would have rather crawled into bed and died!    I recently read a quote from Barbara Johnson "If we can keep our minds open to the blessings, humor and education in whatever happens to us-if we can set that little invisible radar dish on top of our heads to constantly search for blessings instead of disasters-our lives will be enriched by the experiences we endure and we can grow from the calamities that fertilize our lives!"  The Lord did that for us.  In our home, in spite of the calamities, we laughed.  And we learned.  Boy did we learn!  In late teens and early 20's I think I was bitter over what we endured.  But now I wouldn't trade it.  I now can relish the sweetness of peace.  Also there is a deeper love in my God who can redeem,   what seems to earthly eyes, wasted years.  I don't know why God wants me to share a bit of this personal info with you but I hope that He uses it to encourage you in your walk.  Maybe you are in the midst of a circumstance that you feel like will never end.  But it is only a season.  Maybe you are in the middle of a trial where you feel like your soul is ripped and bleeding and it won't heal.  If you give it to Him, give Him all of it, He will do more than heal, it will be stronger than before.  Trust me I know.  Maybe life is great for you right now and you need a reminder of when those calamities come, and they will come, that He has a beautiful purpose for our pain. It's totally worth it!
     I love you sisters in Christ!  I have you on a list and am praying for you.  I hope you are reading some in His word everyday, so His thoughts can become our thoughts.  Have a fab weekend!
Pressing On,
Carrie Smith

knock knock knocking on Heavens door...

Morning all!  I am so excited about our next Chicks and Chocolate this Thursday night.  It has been a looooong time since we met and I have missed it!  We are gonig to be focusing on prayer this time and talking about the assurance we have from His word that He hears us.  Prayer that will be concentrating on our children.  I hope that you all can make it.  We are going to try it at the church this time, in room 207.  If you don't know where that is contact me and I will try to give you directions.  Like I said before I am so excited and so overwhelmed.  As I have been praying and preparing God has shown me wonderful passages in Scripture where He loves to answer prayers of people who come together and are desperate for Him.  What better reason to meet than to call on Him to work in our children's lives.  I am expecting great things because we serve a real God who always hears and always answers! 
Pressing on,
Carrie

I really don't have time for this....

     I really do not have time to be sitting here blogging my thoughts.  Tonight is our home study for our adoption.  I started at 6:30 this morning on my face begging God to get me through this day.  Two doctors appointments, fingerprinting, copies of this document or that document and then frantically cleaning my house!  But I have had such a range of emotions, like a pendulum swinging back and forth.  Frustrated to find that I had spent money on the wrong finger printing place and fatigue of the whole process.  But intermixed of all this has been a sweet peace knowing the God of the universe has orchestrated this day to happen.  That I am working, struggling really, to get to a child in need.  One who may be born already, or not.  One that will need food and shelter but also love and laughs and chocolate!  And the need to know her Savior, my Savior.  Right after we felt God's confirmation to adopt I read Mary Beth Chapman's book Choosing to See.  Wow, what a tear jerker!  But I grabbed it today to get some encouragement in the midst of this chaos.  I flipped open and just started reading.  I read the words "God can accomplish great things through His people who are willing to act..."  God has already moved in great ways for my family and the life of this child we are pursuing.  We have not spent a dime towards its cost.  He has moved on the hearts of those around us and provided every step.  At this moment the adoption envelope is almost empty but "God sets the lonely in families."  So as long as Terry and I stay willing to act He is going to accomplish some great things!  Please friends pray for the interviews tonight to go smoothly and that we will continue to trust Him and not grow weary in the midst of the paper trail.  We also have some friends going through this with us, please lift them up while you are at it.
Pressing On,
Carrie

Treading sand....

     Whew!  What a week!  I hope that yours has been a little less as eventful as mine has.  Sunday started with the a/c not quite working right, then ants invaded my kitchen and on top of that our fridge was acting a little funny!  All that combined to make for a chaotic, what in the world is going to happen next kind of week.  Last night as we ate dinner, Terry and I silently fretted over the fridge.  After some stewing over his spaghetti he loudly exclaimed "This living by faith just never gets easier!"  He is right.  We have been on this road for a while now and still every time something comes up that is beyond our control we have to make a conscious decision to trust Him again!  He has never, ever once let us down.  Never.  That is what I want to say to all of you right now.  Alot of you are really going through some trials.  Be it strained family relationships, lack of finances, etc.  Any one of your situations is enough to make any one person throw their hands up and quit.  But as a fellow desert walker I want to really urge you to hold on to Him! 
    
     The latest cd playing among the Smiths is the Passion 2011 album. Can you still call them albums??  Anyway, from beginning to end the songs are one anthem after another of praising our God!  A friend gave it to me and I am convinced it was God-ordained.  The songs have taken me back through my journey and I have recounted just where I have come from and where I am headed.  One song that we sing, rather shout is "All My Fountains" by Chris Tomlin.  "This dry and desert land I tell myself keep walking on.  Hear something up ahead, water sounding like a song."  Then it goes on to say "A fountain for my soul a well that never will run dry.  I rambled on my own, never believing I would find an everlasting stream your river carries me home!"  Now for those of you still in the desert and you feel alone I am here to sing, rather shout "keep walking on".  If your lips are dry and chapped from the heat of your circumstances I am offering to you His word as a balm to soothe them.  Psalm 119 is a great one to pray when you feel too parched to utter your own prayer.  "May your unfaliling love come to me O Lord" the Psalmist begs.  "My comfort in my suffering is this; Your promise preserves my life." 

     Another song, David Crowder tears it up with the rapper La Crae.  He says "when the shadows fall on us, we will not fear, we will remember."  The shadows fall at night in the desert.  It can get cold.  But then is the time to recount all the Lord has done for you.  This should be done out loud, I think,  so your kids will know who the one in control of all things and from where your help comes. Psalm 121, "I lift my eyes to the hills from where does my help come?  My help it comes from the Lord, who made heaven and earth".  I have learned so much from my round trips in the desert.  The desert is an important part of our journey.  There we really see God.  We see Him move on our behalf, on the behalf of our children and future generations.  Is it not crazy that just as Moses saw God we too can see Him?  Girls, He is real.  So real you can depend your very life on it.  I have learned He delights in those who live at the very end of themselves.  That way He gets all the glory.  Now living this way can be a little scary.  O.k. alot scary at times.  But I am sure Moses trembled when He saw the burning bush or when God hid him in the cleft of the rock as He walked by!  Kind of like that huge roller coaster at Six Flags.  I got strapped in next to Caleb and we both looked at each other like oh no what have we done.  Up up up the hill we climbed then down down down we went screaming the whole time.  But when we got off we were exhilarated and wanted to do it again and again!  Now I know there are no roller coasters in the desert but work with me here. 

     I am pleading with you to get in the word, every day!  As he convicts of those sins don't turn away push into it and let Him have them.  Then and only then can we proclaim what the Psalmist said in 119.  "I will walk about in freedom, for I have sought out your precepts!"  Please join me as "I run in the path of His commands, for He have set me free" 
Love you,
Carrie

Me and the Israelites....

Do you ever get tired of the same old struggles?  I do.  I have a relationship in my life that if left up to me I would choose to avoid.  It causes pain and confusion and never lives up to my expectations.  It doesn't appear to be getting any better no matter how hard I try.  But that is what I feel like God just spoke to me a little bit ago.  That once again I was trying in my own power and strength to fix this relationship.  The truth is I am just not strong enough.  The truth is I must confess to God that only He can bring healing in this relationship.  The truth is that His healing may not be the way I want it to be.  The truth is the healing may not come this side of heaven, no matter how bad I want it to be here, now.  He has reminded me of this time and time again.  But here I am this morning still going round and round with it in my heart and mind.  My humanness wants everything to be right and peaceful and pleasant all the time.  But the very humanness of me and others around me prevents that from being.  It is so very easy to get discouraged.  To want to sit in the Kroger parking lot and cry over it.  (Not that I have ever done that or anything)  Last night as I was reading in the Bible, in Numbers, about how God told Moses to record all that the Israelites had went through on their journey to the promised land I was struck once more of the similarities of me and them.  Both freed from bondage.  Both ongoing struggles of doubt, disobedience, rebellions.  They finally arriving at their destination, me a hope of the land ahead.  Moses recorded that they camped here then left and stayed there.  Camped there, left here, camped here, left there.  Each stage along the way God teaching them, guiding them, forgiving them then having to teach them all over again.  Totally familiar to me!  I have spent countless energy mulling, complaining, crying over this situation that refuses to be fixed then reminded that He is in control of it all along.  His discipline is bittersweet.  It hurts that I have failed to give Him this matter AGAIN.  But sweet to know He takes me back forgives me and speaks comforting words over me and my life and the life of my children.  That He has not left us out in the desert to fiend for ourselves, He has a plan.  One that will be better and have sweeter results than what I ever could have brought about on my own.  And like the Israelites I have made progress all along the way.  Be it small at times it is still a step taking me closer to Him.  How grateful I am for His Sovereignty.  I know this has been more like a journal entry into my diary than an email.  But as always it is where I am at this morning.  Overwhelmed at where He has brought me and all the healing He has already done in my life.  Hopeful that as I stay faithful and hold to His hand for dear life that more is still to come.  Tearful that I briefly let go of His trusting hand.  Bruised from my stumbling when I went my own way with things.  Comforted that once again my Heavenly Father came and got me, scolded me for running off then cleaning me up lovingly once again.  We are walking again this morning together.  I hope this encourages you too to hold on. 
     Dear Father please forgive me for allowing my thoughts to swerve me off the path.  I have stewed over this one relationship.  Questioned why you would have me still dealing with it when it seems to not make sense and hurts some.  Please fill in the gaps around me for my husband, for me and for my kids.  You are the ultimate Healer and Provider.  Thank you for bringing me back to you.  Thank you for what you have done and what I am confident you are going to do in the future for my family.
In Your Name, Amen.
Hope you girls have a great week! Get in the Word and Stay in the Word!
Carrie

A sharp tongued momma and a priest

Morning!  IIIIIIIt's Monday!!
I am coming from an especially low point this morning.  One of the ugliest things about me is I can really lose my temper with my kids.  I have confessed that to you before.  It grieves me more than anything else in my life.  I will work really hard and do well and then bam I totally lose it!!  I hate it.  Last night was one of those times.  We had arrived home from CHURCH of all places and there was grumbling in the camp.  I came down the hallway to catch two (who shall remain nameless) pushing each other around like barn animals! I had a fit.  A loud fit.  Louder than the two culprits had been.  I am almost sure I may have flailed my arms and jumped up and down.  When I was finished spitting and spewing I came down to see the two involved crying, the innocent one (who was naked)had come into watch the spectacle and was crying too.  Not to mention my dear sweet husband was standing speechless.  I think they were waiting for my head to spin around and smoke to come out of my ears! I turned around in a huff and colapsed in a heap in my chair in my room.  Oddly enough same place I have my quiet time.  Immediate conviction squeezed my soul.  There it was again and I hated it.  This sin makes my heart feel as black as night.  It reminds me how very unholy I really am.  An hour later found  all the family in our sitting room.  I had sobbed and apologized.  We  all cried.  I would like to think that they felt bad for their part in it but really I think it was tears of "mom has gone crazy just like I knew she would one day and what is going to happen to us now oh maybe we can go live with nana" tears!  I went to bed and awoke with a heavy hopeless feeling.  Dreading any interaction with the kids, just knowing I would fail!  Everyone else bounded up ready to start the day.  I wanted to cover up my head, crawl in a hole, or disappear.  But Oh how I am grateful for my husband.  He is most always hopeful and optimistic.  My visions of the future can involve gloom and doom where his are always bright and beautiful!  He spoke words of life over me.  He reminded me of the time when Moses had been up on that mountain with God and the people down below were grumbling.  Aaron actually instructed the complaining group to build a golden cow that they could worship! Then made up some lame excuse to the angry Moses that the cow just popped out of the fire!  Now before you question what does this have any thing to do with my sin.  Imagine what a failure Aaron must have felt like.  He knew his brother was on a mountain with God. He had seen God part the red sea for crying out loud!!   And still made such a stupid mistake.  He led God's chosen people in worshiping another!  Talk about SIN!  I can see Aaron wanting to hide in his tent after the confrontation with Moses.  Not wanting to show his face to the people.  Wanting to give up, crawl in a hole, cover up his head.  But as messed up as he was,  God still wanted to use him, still had a plan for him.  God in His grace still desired Aaron to be the head priest of His wonderful tabernacle.  As big as my mistake was, God's forgiveness is bigger and His grace is greater. I must walk in that truth and not wallow in my weakness no matter how big.  He still wants to use me, still has a plan for me.  Through His Holy Spirit I will learn to control my tongue, hopefully sooner rather than later.  But when I fall and I will again and again, I must cling to the fact that He delights in using broken vessels and messed up priests.  It shows off His greatness when He uses the weak.  "Dear God please fill in my gaps.  I have so many.  Help me to speak softly and slowly even when breaking up fights, teaching long multiplication, and present tense verbs.  When I am cooking lunch, when I step on legos, when I am cleaning up toothpaste that some guy named "not me" squirted on the counter again!  In your word Father it  says that anger does not bring about the righteousness that you desire.  Please shut me up and you speak through me."  Amen  I hope that this yuck I shared with you can some how encourage you in your own sin struggle.  I am about to leave this computer and be knee deep in it again, I covet your prayers the way you have mine.
Here we go
Carrie

Sin Stinks!

When I first accepted Christ I thought that eventually you would get so close to Him that sin wouldn't be such a struggle.  What a joke!  Now I realize that the closer you get to Him the more sin is magnified.  I hate sin.  Sin stinks.  Terry and I were just discussing late last night how much we hated sin.  Our own sins and just sin in general.  Then he fell fast asleep and I was left to ponder sin and the effects it has on others for the rest of the night!  Ugh!  Sin is something that our Holy God takes very seriously and so should we.  It is scary to me that so many of us think because we don't take part in the "really bad stuff" we are pretty good.  But in my experience it is those sins that we keep secret.  The ones that we cover up and make look nice that are really hideous and can do the most damage.  In Matthew Jesus strongly rebukes the Pharisees.  Saying "you are like whitewashed tombs which indeed appear beautiful outwardly, but inside are full of dead men's bones and uncleanness.  Even so you also outwardly appear righteous to men but inside you are full of hypocrisy and lawlessness.  Woe to you"  This morning when I was reading this I first thought how awful  it would be for the Savior of the world to say "Woe to you" meaning me.  These Pharisees had it all together they thought.  But they did not deal with the inward heart and mind.  Or rather allow Christ to deal with their heart and mind.  As Christians we must deal with our sin.  In my mind I picture sin as a dungeon.  Each gray rough dull cement block keeps us from being free.  It keeps us from purity, loveliness, peace and true contentment.  Christ is on the other side of the prison calling to us.  We can hear Him.  But those big gray blocks are so heavy and I have to pick each one up out of the way.  So I decide this is my lot in life, to stay here.  I was born here why should I expect anything else.  We look around and see everyone else in their cells so we try to make our cell look pretty.  We paint it.  We hang stuff on the walls.  Banners that say "I can't help it" or "I accept myself" or "Home sweet home"  But still there is that voice that we just barely hear over our pride, lust, gossip, overeating, under eating, anxiety, bitterness, selfishness.  We think we hear someone singing....Something about love and freedom.  But it is beyond all this and too much work.  So we still try to make a life in this dark damp place.  Making the best of it!  Every day we have a choice to stay here like those around us or to begin the long process of dealing with our sin one block at a time.  Early in our marriage Christ confronted Terry with an area of sin.  He could have said "no Lord, too hard, too much, and too fun to take down.  No I won't I can't."  But instead he took that big huge heavy block off the top.  And you know what he found.  That it wasn't so hard to move because he had not moved it alone.  Christ had pushed from the other side.  When that one block was moved so much light busted into our cell that it created a thirst, a deep desire to move more.  It shined light into my cell.  It made me want to bust out too.  We have been on this demolition journey for several years.  It has been tough, tedious work.  And just when we think we are done we trip on one that we forgot.  We are battle scarred.  But it has been so worth it.  So much so that one of the deepest desires of my heart has been that those around me would begin to break out of the sin cell.  Dear sisters in Christ, we all know that one thing that God has asked us to deal with over and over and we refuse.  But if you will just trust Him to help you move it and get rid of it what He replaces it with is far better than you could ever imagine.  It will drive you to destroy the other blocks that have held you back for so long.  And one final thing, remember we are not in these prisons alone.  We have our children in here with us.  If we do not break free we lead them to their own cells.   May we roll up our sleeves and set to work!!  If you need help I am here!
Love you all so much
Carrie
Also wanted to know if any of you are interested in trying to meet again.  I was thinking this time of an early Saturday morning.  Let me know what you think.

my feet had almost slipped.....

Morning my friends.
Last night my husband drug himself home after a very long day.  He was relieved to be home and showered but he could not shake his heavy heart.  Since Wednesday he has been working with the power crews.  (Thankfully he has not been on the power poles)  He worked on a road yesterday that just a couple of weeks ago was full of homes and trees and life and now nothing is there.  No  homes, no trees, no life, just devastation.  His heart and now mine is broken for these people.  I am sure your heart is too.  All week I have been rolling ideas around about what to share with you girls.  It seems since I do this so much that I now think in emails.  Ha!  I had thought maybe I would share some thoughts on carnal Christians or maybe even  how kids are meant to be a blessing not a burden.  But after the storm one scripture just kept resonating in my mind.  It is Psalm 73.  I shared it with my Sunday school one morning but it seems to fit now too.  I have been thinking of all this destruction so close to us, it seems these are hopeless times.  Asaph the writer of this Psalm felt the same way too.  He starts out saying 
Surely God is good to Israel, to those who are pure in heart. 
But then the next verse says
But as for me, my feet had almost slipped; I had nearly lost my foothold.When we begin to look at the world around us at all the hurting and pain we can begin to slip.  Slip in our faith, slip in our trust in God.  He continues..
For I envied the arrogant when I saw the prosperity of the wicked.  They have no struggles' their bodies are healthy and strong.  They are free from       the    burdens common to man they are not plagued by human ills
Skipping on down to verse 12 He continues lamenting
This is what the wicked are like- always carefree, they increase in wealth.
Isn't it strange in the same 30 min news segment to see the tornado damage and the Royal wedding?  If we take our eyes off Him for a second we too will say the same.  Asaph goes on to say that
Surely in vain have I kept my heart pure
the next couple of verses he lists all that he has been through.  He is sort of complaining.  Saying "I have it so hard and they have it so easy"....  But then my most favorite part
till I entered the sanctuary of God;
The verses that follow that he begins to repent saying
I was senseless and ignorant...a brute beast before you
Please tell me you can relate....
Then this is my most favorite part.  I know I have already said that but this is my really really favorite part
Yet I am always with you, you hold me by my right hand.  You guide me with your counsel and afterward you will take me into glory.  Whom have I in heaven but you?  And earth has nothing I desire besides you.  My flesh and my heart may fail, but God is the strength of my heart and my portion forever.....
Then ending it with
But as for me, it is good to be near God.  I have made the Sovereign Lord my refuge;  I will tell of all your deeds.
That makes me want to shout...seriously!  There are tribulations all around.  Physical tornadoes and then the tornadoes that wreck our families, our souls.  But to quote John MacArthur "we cannot let our faith be buried under self-pity"  Make Him our refuge!  The next time you are tempted to go by what is seen and question your God go to this Psalm and read it till you believe it again.  As always I am shouting at myself! Despite the circumstances we are not left alone on this planet, you are loved madly, there is a plan bigger than you and there is a God bigger than you at work in you and around you!  Sorry again for the length of this.  Also on a side note....if you read this and are my friend and you happen to catch me on a bad day You are not allowed to quote my blog back to me!!!!!!!!  You know who you are! 
As always I am with you in this, you are not a One-Only
Carrie

Truth, Lies and Worms

Good Morning Friends!
Monday morning as Terry was praying with me he prayed that God would help me to believe only His truth.  There are times when it feels like Terry knows me better than me and it really ticks me off.  But this time it warmed my heart and made me crumble.  He had nailed it.  Silently, secretly lies had wormed their way into my brain.  Worms, that is what they are.  The kids are working on a garden and in the process have dug up lots of worms.  Now I have read that worms are good for gardens.  So after they have brought each one to show me I have instructed for them to put them back.  The worms I am talking about here are not the good kind but the bad kind that eats and destroys whatever is good growing in your mind.  I have thought about lies and truth ever since Terry prayed that over me.  Our minds are like a plot of ground.  Our thoughts can either till the ground so that truth can be planted and we grow or thoughts can be a shovel that digs and digs away at the ground and soon we are so deeply in that we can't get out.  We can't even see light anymore.  Been there?  Lies come from everywhere.  They can come from within, since we are first fleshly  beings.  They can come from without.  You will never convince me that what you watch, read, listen to, hang out with does not influence your thinking.  I have heard it said there are two dogs inside us.  One being the flesh the other the Spirit.  Whichever one you feed will get bigger and stronger until it chases the other dog away!  Which one are you feeding?  It is so easy to feed the flesh.  Flip on the t.v and you can spend mindless hours feasting on every pleasure you fancy.  Listen to any station up and down the dial and you will find a song that will validate your mood and emotions.  Peruse any trash-azine at the grocery aisle and stuff yourself with fluff.  Oh but what is the harvest from that?  Things left undone, actions and decisions based on our rights, wants and desires.  When will we see that what we put in really comes out?  To feed the Spirit takes work just like anything worthwhile.  It takes making time to sit before the Father and let Him speak truth to you from His word and sometimes He whispers it in your ear.  It is too sweet!  It takes having the strength to pull the weeds or getting rid of all that crud that you are stuffing in.  In addition to His word find a good book by a godly author and read.  Even in little bits at a time.  Some of us have never moved any closer to God than our conversion.  And I want to tell you there is just so much more to this relationship.  God is really very romantic in His wooing.  He is tender and strong.  I have found Him able to be trusted with my deepest darkest secrets and failures.  Further on in Romans 1 Paul says that those who have exchanged truth for lies are senseless, faithless, heartless he even goes so far as to lump in murderers, evil, gossips ,God-Haters!  It is is bad enough to be called faithless but to be listed in with murderers and God-Haters...This is serious!  I also find it scary that in the same chapter he says that  they exchanged natural desires for the unnatural.  Now he was speaking of things they were involved in sexually (women, too) But I have known women who ingested lies instead of truth and as a result had no desire to mother their own children and walked away from their husbands.  Definitely not natural.  This life has enough pitfalls and snares but to continue on without His word takes away the guard rails, the bumper zones.  How do we know what is a lie?  In my experience a lie divides me.  From God, from Terry from my children, from my true purpose.  The truth propels me toward God, toward Terry toward Caleb, Grace-Ann and Jacob toward my purpose.  I hope this email makes you sober in your walk but also free from the entanglement of lies.  Run and be free, life is so much better that way.  I love you.
Untangling myself even now,
Carrie

a God-Ordained Deficiency

Good Morning all!  This morning I woke up with a very bad pain in my neck.  I think it is from all the sneezing and coughing I have been doing.  Could really use another trip to the chiropractor but I just went a couple of weeks ago!  When my neck gets like this it makes it really painful to do the smallest of chores.  Cooking or washing dishes can be difficult even sitting to just read to the kids is hard.  It is so aggravating to have so much to do but be unable to get it all done.  Can any of you relate?  Well last night in our "Radical" class we discussed just that.  I am not one to harp at anyone for missing church but I wish you could all be apart of this amazing small group.  Last night I was so overcome with conviction that I could hardly speak.  We discussed how God uses us and others in our weaknesses.  Not our strengths which honestly we would all prefer.  I think when He uses us through our "God-given" abilities we think we get to share in a little bit of His glory.  And we look so fabulous when we get to do something great for Him!  But that is not how He chooses to do His most powerful work.  No one admires weakness or flaws.  As I mentioned in my last email I HATE my weaknesses!  One area I have always hated is how there is just never enough money.  (I am sure some of you can relate to that!)  With three kids there is always someone in need of shoes, clothes, trips and so on and so on.  I have always hated saying to the kids "well I can't get that for you just yet" or "we will have to wait on that"  I have always longed for the moment when there would be enough money for everything everyone needed and wanted.  Last night I was faced with the truth that God has done His most amazing work in my life concerning my lack in this area.  Who am I to deny the King of the Universe an area in my life.  An area where He desires to get glory from I have said "NO!" or "Enough" How truly rotten.  So last night Terry and I continued to grapple with this issue.  The only thing we could think of was we are going to have to totally transform our thinking.  I mean scrape all this "moral filth" out and replace with His truth.  I mean really scrape cause it is clinging to my heart and brain.  Like barnacles stuck to a boat. (Sorry we are reading about ocean life in school)  I woke up with the pain in my neck and a heavy feeling in my chest.  But God took the heaviness away this morning in my time with Him.  I laid it at His feet.  Asked forgiveness and begged Him to transform and renew my mind.  I can't even begin to do this on my own.  To take pride in my humble estate as it says in James.  As Americans, as humans we try to get out of our humble estate to something better and grander!  And really can I truly call what I am living in humble?  Compared to what millions of others are living in and dealing with, going without.  I think not.  I have rambled on so this morning I know.  Forgive me.  Sometimes these emails help me to process what God is doing in my heart.  I hope that today when you begin to loathe a certain area of your life I hope this gives you a new perspective.  That this flaw or weakness or lack is a God-Ordained deficiency. 
Love you and have a great week walking with Him
Carrie

My mirror needed cleaning....

Good Morning Everyone!  This sunshine is simply amazing isn't it!  I don't know if all of you heard the news but last week we had someone call and offer to pay for the first step of our adoption! To type the words "we were excited" just doesn't sound right.  We were over the moon.  We knew God told us to adopt.  We knew we didn't have the means ourselves to adopt.  We knew we were to wait on God to provide.  However when He did we were floored!  We literally fell on our face!  Which leads me to the meat of my email...
     Alot of people have been sending us emails or telling us how "good" we are.  I have heard this from all types of people.  I have been told that I was so "good" for staying home with my kids.  That I am "good" for homeschooling.  I am a "good" christian.  I am a "good" wife, a "good" cook, a "good" person for adopting someone of another race, another baby......  Now don't get me wrong I love complements as much as the next girl but  to call ME "good" makes me think Ha!
     One of the books I am reading right now is titled Feminine Appeal, by Carolyn Mahaney.  In it she talks about the Bible calling us to kindness and goodness.  Ouch!  She quotes another author who defines kindness as a sincere desire for the happiness of others.  And goodness as the activity  calculated to advance that happiness.  Again I say Ouch!  I don't know if that really defines me most of the time.  So this email I thought I would share maybe confess how I am really not good or kind, alot!
     Here goes....
1.  I have a temper.  I am sure there are a million excuses I could use with this but I won't.  It is a lack of self-control!
2. I yell at my kids alot.  I hate this about me and have really tried to work on it.
3.  I am impatient with my kids but can be patient and hold my tongue
with people I dont even know, like the cashier or bank lady. So wrong I know!
4.  Showering sometimes seems like a big ordeal that I would rather skip if I am not going anywhere!  (Hey don't judge a confessing sinner)
5.  I don't like to ask anyone for anything.  I think this would fall under the category of pride.  I don't like to appear like I need anything.
6.  I weigh myself everyday.  Sometimes it ruins my day if I don't and panic all day about if I gained or not.  Again pride rears its ugly head!
7.  I have a problem with authority.  Terry was the first one to point this out after we were married.  To put a better spin on it I just don't like to be told what to do.  That really doesn't sound any better.  This has been  a struggle since I was in school.  Believe it or not I was the girl always being put out in the hall or being sent to the office.  It is true.  I have come a long way.  But sometimes I revert to my old ways and become stiff necked and unsubmissive! 
8.  I am a starter not a finisher.  Yuck I hate typing that.  Right now I am reading 3 different books.  Crazy I know.  Maybe I have ADD.  Nope just lack of perseverance.  More sin!
9.  I don't sleep much at night.  This is connected to the sin of worrying.  I have also come a long way here too but struggle at times still.
10.  Since I confessed #9 I must confess I don't like to get up early.  I have recently tried to change my ways and have found some new success in this area.  But it is a daily struggle.
11.  I love to eat out!  Sometimes when our budget doesn't allow it I get a little pouty.  That was a hard one to confess!
12.  I am a recovering hypochondriac. 
13.  I am usually behind in my laundry.
14.  I  usually have mildewed kitchen rags.  I know so ugly.  I think this falls under laziness.  And gross!
15.  I worry about what people will think of me alot.  After I send this email I will worry that you know me better and you find me weird, or lazy or worse not "good" But now it is confessed!
     So now you know part of the real me.  NOw you know truly there is nothing good or kind that comes from me naturally.  I am a cracked pot.  Anything that comes from me that is worthy of praise truly comes from the work of my Heavenly Father who is the creator of all good things.  I get squeezed with conviction everyday of my life.  The more time I spend with Him the more I realize how awful I really am.  I read this morning that our souls are mirrors reflecting our God.  And our sin clouds the mirror.  I am constantly in need of  cleansing.  How about you?
Lovingly passing the Windex,
Carrie

A Pearl of a Situation....

Morning all!
     Have you ever heard how an oyster makes a pearl?  I am sure you have, but please allow the homeschool mom in me to review it with you.  The oyster gets the tiniest bit of irritant in its "mouth" and it bugs the oyster.  I mean it bothers it and festers and in my mind drives the oyster crazy! Much like a splinter.  So the oyster produces a substance to cover the irritant in order to get some relief and try to protect itself.  It coats this irritant over and over until a gorgeous, beautiful pearl is formed.  It is funny to me that pearls can cost so much.  That they are worth so much all from what the oyster went through.
     Why the animal science lesson on this rainy Monday morning?  Well I feel like that oyster.  Things or people just bothering me, irritating me, bugging me, driving me crazy....do you get what I mean?  So much so that I have found myself on more than one occasion asking, even begging God to remove these people or things from my life.  Kind of like making them go "poof"  But the truth is God uses "testy" people and trials in our lives to act as an irritant to us.  That way, if we submit and allow the Holy Spirit to coat that area of our lives we will have something worthwhile in the end to offer up to a Holy God and something beautiful to attract a lost world.  And boy is it costly at times!  I am a confessed people pleaser.  I HATE conflict and really try to avoid it.  But the older I have gotten I realize all conflict can't be avoided and must persevere and let God work in me and through me.  Sometimes I have a tendency to shut down around those who rub me the wrong way.  I clam up! (Ha, I made a funny)  Avoiding or clamming up is not going to bring God glory.  Nor will it show these "testy" people God's grace and love.  I have been learning so much lately from God about Himself and now it seems I am in the middle of an exam.  Will I show others all I have learned and love more, give more, serve more?  "But Lord not them" I have said "They are much much to hard"  But He has replied over and over "Yes them, especially them"  I will be honest I have pouted and rolled my eyes and even growled at the Lord's response.  (Not a wise thing to do with the ruler of the Universe)  But in the end I must bow my knees and my heart to His authority and let Him turn these irritants into pearls in my life.  The only way to do this is to constantly be before HIm in prayer and in His word.  My prayer this week is that as the irritants come (and they always do) that we would let the Holy Spirit produce what is necessary to cover and coat the situation.  Then at the end of our week, months even at the end of our life produce one big beautiful necklace to toss at His feet.
     James 1:2-4  Consider it pure joy, my brothers, whenever you face trials of many kinds, because you know that the testing of your faith develops perseverance. Perseverance must finish its work so that you may be mature and complete not lacking anything...
From one oyster to another,
Carrie

Who can show us any good?

Oh why am I up?  I am tired, I had a long day and I have an even longer day laid out for me tomorrow.  Not bad long either days, long good days.  I should be in bed.  It could have something to do with the 2 diet cokes I drank this afternoon.  It seems the older I get the more sensitive I get to caffeine.  But it also may have something to do with all the stuff God is doing in and around me.  God is on the move here with me and my family, with you and your family, on this planet earth.  He is drawing me ever so closer everyday.  Revealing more sin to repent of, more goodness to be grateful for, I am overwhelmed.  It seems like every thing I am reading and hearing has to do with living more simply.  Living more on the edge for Him.  Trusting and waiting.  This morning in my shortened quiet time I found myself in my room in my chair asking Him to draw near to me.  I wanted to just press my face into His robe.  (I don't know if He wears a robe, but that is just how I picture Him, work with me)  I love Him.  More than I ever have.  As I was praying and reading the Scripture I was struck by this verse, Psalm 4:6-7 "There are many who say 'Who will show us any good?' Lord lift up the light of your face upon us!" I read it over and over.  Out loud and quietly.  The world is asking "who can show us any good?".  When their marriages are falling apart, finances are lacking, health is deteriorating.  The world shouts "Who can show us any good?"  And His people should shout back "We can"  "We can"  "The Lord is alive and at work in HIs people's lives".  He is on the move.  But sadly we are so busy, so stinking preoccupied with our own lives and our own dissappointments that we say nothing back.  Or maybe we have so limited the amount of God in our lives that we don't see any good either.  Oh how we have failed as His people.  God help us!  We are to be His billboards.  Living and breathing His glory to be displayed to all so that a lost and dying world may be drawn to Him.  Tonight or I guess I could say this morning my prayer is that we would trust Him and wait on Him.  And then when He works to shout it to all.  That is my goal.  So much of my life depends on Him coming through.  Terry and I have never been able to explain how we have made it on one income for so long.  It has been Him all the way.  All the healing that He has done in my life and in my marriage can not be attributed to any man.  It is Him.  It is not my power, grace, patience, knowledge that I homeschool these kids.  It is HIm.  It is not by my finances or wealth that we move forward to adopt.  It is HIm.  Miracles done every single day by Him and through Him.  There is no good in me, no nothing.  It is Him.  Dear Lord lift up the light of Your face upon us so that when they ask where is any good we can show them You!  May we lay aside any fear or possesion that weights us down in this life.  We are your people may we live like it.  Amen.
Love you
Carrie

Expecting #4??

Good Soggy Afternoon girls!!!  Hope you are nice and dry!  This is a 2 pots of coffee kind of day.  One in the morning and one to get you through the afternoon.  It has been quite busy around my house lately.  If you haven't heard the news the Smith's are proudly expecting their fourth child.  This one not of my womb but of our hearts.  There is a child waiting in Ethiopia for us.  We have officially begun the paper work to get to him or her.  It is a loooooooong process.  Longer than any of us could have imagined, but it is for a human life right!  We have prayed and prayed and prayed.  God gave us what we feel is a confirmation so we have taken the first couple of steps.  Met with the agency.  Went to our first adoptive group meeting. (Levi's Circle)  We have filled out line after line after line after line!  Told a few people and asked all to pray for us and with us.  I have had moments of elation and moments of being really overwhelmed.  I am almost 34, do I really want to start over?  Lord you know we are stretched financially how can WE do this?  Will my kids get to go to Disney World if I do this?  Will they resent me if they grow up and not have had the best name brands and best of recreational, athletic or educational opportunities?  All of these questions and more have flooded my mind.   I guess you could say I was counting the cost. God says in His word to count the cost to follow Him.  But as we stand on this rainy Ash Wednesday I have contemplated His cost for Me.  His life.  His life for mine.  The more I read the more I realize this life is not my own.  The only life I am convinced that is worth living is the one spent and poured out for the Savior.  The Lord opened my families eyes to those in need.  Proverbs 24:12 states that "once our eyes are opened He holds us responsible to act"  I can not go back now, and I wouldn't want to.  We are at the beginning of Lent.  I want to encourage you to look at this season leading up to our Savior's death and resurrection as a time to focus on Him.  Alot of people give up meat or even sodas or desserts for Him during this time.  But what good is that if He doesn't have your whole heart.  That is what He wants.  A people who will count the cost and do it anyway. 
     Dear God, please raise up a holy generation who desire You above all else.  Who are willing to pray and trust you to do Big things in our midst, for Your names sake!  May we reach out to the widows, the orphans, the weak, the naked, all for You!  Cause us to go the extra mile to dash the strongholds in our lives and the  lives of others.  May we pursue righteousness and purity.  All to shine Your light to a needy world! Amen!
Carrie

Danger of the Mundane

Mundane-  characterized by the practical, transitory, and ordinary.

I had to look up transitory then-  means temporary

Lately I have been knee deep in the mundane and the transitory.  I have been to the doctor's office more times than I care to ever go again.  I have handed out medicine way toooooooo many times.  I have washed and washed and washed dishes, laundry, carpet, bathtubs, noses, tables.  I have picked up, put up, broken up, clammed up.  Then I have read and taught and retaught.  Do you ever have one of those days, weeks, months, seasons?  Yesterday I was just so tired of it.  Did any of it really matter for anything worthwhile?  Was any of it not transitory?  The Lord, my daddy, replied with a resounding "YES!".  The truth is none of it really for a Christian is ever truly mundane.  It all matters.  My attitude matters.  The how and the why matters.  But more than that.  What God has been showing Terry and me is that with Him there is no mundane.  He meant for this life to be one great, long, fantastic adventure with Him, where time and time again we watch Him show up and show off in our lives over and over again.  If you read the Bible, His chosen ones never just muttle through life.  He parted waters, made weak ones great, healed the sick, called fire from heaven, the sun to stand still.  All by or through ordinary folk like me and you.  Monday, God confirmed to Terry and I, that what we were praying about, a certain miracle, was on the right track and that He was setting the stage for something great in our lives.  I felt like I was floating.  The God of the universe orchestrated certain events just for me!!!  Then came Tuesday, dishes and  supper.  Wednesday brought doctors appointments, grocery stores and more supper.  By Thursday I was  far away from being on the edge of my seat, waiting on Him to do something big.  I was down right depressed!  Dragging through my day.  Then His word, His people and His Spirit smacked me in the back of the head and heart.    Every act of my day is meant to be something big from Him or for Him.  I must prayerfully walk through my day as though the dishes I am washing are going to be on a table set for Him to eat off of.  When I am at the doctor, that it is meant to show that young nurse what a christian looks like, so that she might be drawn to Him and SAVED!  At Sam's (heaven help me) with 3 kids, that they would see me smile, laugh and love them even while trying to buy food for a family of 5 on a tight budget.  It's possible you know.  With God's help I've done it.  God so desires to be real to us in this life.  We must quit functioning out of our own strength, methods or finances.  Like Pastor Charlie preached the last two weeks, He is calling us out of the boat, to walk on the water.  He wants take your loaves and fishes to do something huge.  I don't want to miss it and I know you don't either.  What are your holy desires?  He has birthed them there for a reason.  My sincere prayer is that all of us get out of the boat.  That we would be a crazy loving, giving, sharing, trusting generation of women.  That we would live at the end ourselves where He can do His most awesome work, draw others to Him through our lives!
Love you girls!  Lets do this!
Carrie

Considering it pure joy??

I have been pondering over a conversation I had with someone earlier this week.  How can we continue our walk toward holiness and continue to grow when we don't feel good, really sick or really tired or really depressed or really_________ (fill in your own trial)  When I had three kids 4 and under I was tired.  Fatigued.  Worn out.  Not to mention emotional. Which could have been because I was tired.  So I would cry, scream, eat, cry, scream eat.  Just a vicious cycle.  Looking back I can see I was drowning in fear and shortsightedness.  You know when you keep telling yourself this is how it is going to be forever...blah blah blah.  Though my kids were small and hopefully won't remember their mom a wreck I grieve over bad decisions and moments lost by not sustaining myself on His word.  I think I could have enjoyed them more.  I would not have made such poor judgements.    In the last couple of years I have read biographies of women who endured much more than the baby blues, a small house in a bad neighborhood and squabbles with the hubby.  They didn't just endure.  They did what James 1 says they considered "it pure joy, whenever you face trials of many kinds, because you know that the testing of your faith develops perseverance.  Perseverance must finish its work so that you may be mature and complete not lacking anything."  Trials here are sickness and persecutions.  The women I have read about changed their world and mine.  One of my favorites has been Elisabeth Elliot.  Alot of us know her as the wife of Jim Elliot, the one who was killed in a jungle by the ones he was trying to carry the gospel to.  Your husband killed now that is a real trial.  She lived in a jungle for a year as a single woman before marrying him.  Not knowing anyone she, followed God to South America.  She lived in a house where the walls did not meet the ceiling.  Where bugs, huge bugs and bats came into her room every night.  Now that is a trial.  Persevering through all for her Lord.  Amy Carmichael is one I am just now getting acquainted with.  So far I do know she lived in the slums of England to reach out to the lowly poverty stricken women of her day.  She didn't have to.  Her family had a decent place to live.  But she wanted to display that you could have joy in the midst of such darkness with Christ.  She endured terrible sickness from her conditions, bugs, rats all for the Lover of her soul.  Joy in the midst of trials.  These two women did not turn to the right or left when things got difficult.  They persevered in joy.  I could go on and on.  Gladys Aylward, a family favorite.  Again endured much heartache and sickness all for the name of her God.  She carried His love to the children of China.    Reading all these books has helped me to carry on in the midst of my own trials.  Truly, mine pale in comparison to theirs.  Who am I to complain?  Who am I to say I can't carry on another day?  There was nothing great about these women other than the God they served and followed.  The very same one I serve and follow.  The power they had is the same power offered to me everyday, that I choose to pick up and use or ignore.    Over the recent years I have chosen to imagine them as my cloud of witnesses, chanting on the sidelines of my life.  Encouraging me on in my race.  I want to run with all I have for Him.  The GREAT ONE who pulled me from my pit.  I share all this for a reason.  I have struggled with many things in my life and continue to.  I know you do to.  Some times He picks us up and carries us through, and you look back and know you couldn't have made it with out Him.  Other times we must make the effort to hold on and move forward, dig in.  I know this life in the times we live is hard.  Hard to stay faithful to your husband when so much is being offered otherwise.  Hard to serve others when the world says you deserve  more me time.  Hard to be pure, hard to love more, hard to quiet your soul before Him.  But we MUST and we CAN, cause He says so!  The Bible says "He gives strength to the weary"  That a godly woman's "arms are strong for her tasks"  If you sense urgency in this, there is.  The devil prowls around looking for another one to take down.  Hold fast!  When we lay our heads down for the final time, just before our eyes close to open on our eternity, we don't want to look back and see the rubble laying in heaps of the decisions we  have made and the loved ones left in the midst.  Don't quit!  Don't quit! 
Walking this road with you and Him,
Carrie

I LOVE COFFEE! (a confessional of sorts)

I LOVE coffee!  I love it anytime of day.  I love it when I wake up, right when I wake up and I love it right before bed.  At times this has made me feel like my Memaw (or grandmother to you formal people).  Terry says I have a problem.  That I might as well smoke a pack of cigarettes cause its the same thing.  I disagree!  It's not just the coffee, I love my cup.  It's just a plain black stoneware cup.  But it is my cup!  Everyone knows this is mom's cup.  When my cup is dirty, in the dishwasher, when I realize the next morning I forgot again to turn it on.  I can get bummed!  Crazy I know but I am just being for real!  This morning I slept late, missed quiet time, missed my time with Terry before he left.  I was bummed.  As I pulled out my black cup to console my self over my black brew (yes black is how I love it)  I thought I am like this cup.  When I have gotten up early, had my time with Him, I am clean and ready to go.  Ready to fulfill my purpose.  Ready to serve others.  Ready to pour out all He has poured in me.  Pour on my husband the love and respect he needs.  Pour on my children the time and attention they need.  Full of the word and His Spirit so I will be prepared for any situation.  This morning I was like my dirty unwashed unusable coffee cup sitting in my dirty dishwasher unable to be used.  Now the coffee is still there, waiting to be poured into my cup, but the cup wasn't ready.  The Lord was still there waiting on me, in my favorite chair in the living room.  Waiting to give me what I needed to get through this day successfully but I wasn't ready!  On my own I have nothing to fill it with.  There is no good in me to pull from.  I have no strength on my own, no wisdom, no talent, no, nothing good.   As His cup I grieve the time I missed with Him this morning, and offer up to Him the time I have now.  Not near as quiet or as long but all I have.  Tomorrow however when He opens the cupboard of my day I want to be sitting there, and I want Him to say "Oh my favorite!  She is here!  Come let me fill you, I have the perfect job for you to do today, and only you will do" 
     Father forgive us for rushing into our day unprepared!  Help us to take so seriously the job you have for us to do.  Even though I am just a plain black cup, I want to be used and filled and used and filled.  Fill us up today Lord so that we can pour on others your love and your guidance and wisdom and patience and thankfulness and mercy and grace.  God I need you.   Amen
Love you girls so much, prayed for each and everyone of you this morning.
Carrie

Link to the Ladies Weekend

Here is the link girls to the ladies retreat I mentioned.  Let me know if any of you are interested!

http://www.longhollow.com/events/details/244

Carrie

Thirst

Alright, I know several of you were unable to come to the fabulous ladies luncheon so I thought I would bring it to you!   Okay first off it was an awesome lunch with fruit and chicken salad, drink of choice and pound cake! The entire Thirst team was working and serving, even the speakers were waiting on tables....talk about humility!!  Imagine being at a table surrounded by women of different seasons, some you know, some you don't.  There are linen tablecloths, candles, little dove chocolates.  Quiet music in the background.  Kids with their work and lunches whisked off to a safe and secure location. 
The Holy Spirit was there, I hope He is there with you as I describe. 
They talked about having a Cross-Centered life.  What that means and what that looks like.  It was powerful!  First off Mary Ann Loeving shared that through the power of the cross we are saved.  Praise God, nothing we have done or can boast about, but all Him! 
Second the cross gives us the power to obey the Word of God.  Scripture calls us to obey God.  To teach the Word of God to our children.  To honor our husbands and respect them and their role.  To choose our words carefully.  Ouch Ouch Ouch!  Of course several examples were given, but I am just given you a quick run down.
Third we are forgiven through the power of the cross.  I love in Romans where it says there is no condemnation in Christ.  I also love the verse in Colossians where it says we have been transferred from darkness into the kingdom of Christ.  I am so glad Satan can't remind Jesus of where He found me!
Fourth, Jennifer Slenk talked about the power of the cross to forgive others.  This is where I felt most convicted.  If someone has hurt me or my family it is so hard to let go and let God.  She used the example of holding on to hurts like holding on to broken pieces of glass.  It continues to hurt and you won't heal. 
Fifth, we have the power to love the unlovable.  Mrs. Slenk gave a powerful testimony of forgiving her husband and loving the unlovable.    We could relate it to a mother-in-law, a co-worker, or also maybe we have a spouse that needs forgiveness.  Even if it seems impossible or that we have the "right" to withhold.  God calls us in His word to "Bless those who persecute you.  Bless and curse not"

Lastly, we have the power to serve.  Children, husband, neighbors....etc.  Jesus made Himself nothing, to come and serve man.  This is so opposite of the world isn't it.  Everything we read, watch, listen to says take what you can, you must make yourself happy first.  That just isn't Biblical.  Hard stuff right? 

I hate you girls couldn't be there with me.  It was such a precious time of learning what the Bible says about living this life.  Of course I haven't done the time justice, or the speakers, or the lunch.  I have really felt God saying to me this week "Carrie, are we going to do this for real or not?"  My desire to go deeper with Him has intensified.  I don't want to have the world anymore.  I don't want to try to do both.  I want all of Him and none of me.  But so much of that means daily denying my wants, my needs, my comfort, my pleasures.  The devil wants us to think that this world, that what he offers is the best to this life.  But what I am finally seeing is that is a lie!  We must live fully engaged in this battle.  I want to squish his ugly head every day.  I want to carry my cross as well as He carried His.  I don't want to do it by myself.  We are stronger together.
Don't forget next Thursday is when we meet again.  Can't wait to spend some real time with you.
Carrie

Do I smell a girls weekend????

Good Mornig!  I just recieved some info on a girls conference.  It looks fantastic.  Mary Kassian is one of the speakers at this event. I have been to something she has been apart of and loved her passion for God's word.  The weekend is February 11-12.  The cost of the conference is $45 plus a hotel and food.  It is located in Hendersonville, TN, just over 3 hours from here.  I wanted to put the info out there and see if any of you were interested in it.  You know how I feel about time away from husbands and babies, but this weekend would be beneficial to you and them.  This would be unlike anything you have ever heard before.  Not to mention how much fun we had last time when we were all together over night.  Spoons, anyone?  Let me know. 
Also wanted to remind you of the ladies prayer meeting tonight at church at 7.  I will be there. We will be praying for the Thirst event and also personal revival.  If you have any longing or desire to be different than who you are right now, for Christ to change your heart, your outlook or your circumstances come with me to invite Him back into our lives, our homes and our church!
Love you
Carrie

The Condition of our Hearts

Hey girls!  Hope all is well for you on this Monday.

Looking at the calendar I have decided to pick February 3 as our next meeting.  I had not planned on skipping January but coming out of the holidays and  the snow and now the thirst conference....well it just doesn't leave much room on the calendar.
Even though we haven't met I have been praying for you.  One thing that I have been thinking about lately is the condition of our hearts.  What is the condition of you heart?  of mine?  There have been moments in my life where it has been hard, cracked and dry.  In times like that I go and do as I please, giving little thought to God and His ways or to my spouse, children or friends in need.  I watch what I want, say what I want, listen to what I want, me, me, me!  Then there are other times when my heart feels like a piece of clay in our Father's hands.  Soft and pliable.  At those times it seems as if He is almost always pressing and molding me.  When our hearts are hard we don't feel much.  We don't feel sorry or conviction.  We don't feel anything really because of the scab we have allowed to grow over.  Sometimes our hearts get hard unintentional.  Life gets so jumbled up and busy and we just begin to go through the motions as the scab creeps up day by day like the ivy that has covered over my fence outside my kitchen window.  The fence is unrecognizable just like our hearts.  When our hearts are soft we constantly feel.  We feel true pain over the sin in our lives, even if it is considered small to the world's eyes it feels great on the Lord's scale.  We feel longing, deep focused longing.  Longing for the one who made us and calls us, when our hearts are hard we can't hear Him.  Sometimes when I wake up my longing for my first cup of coffee keeps me from focusing on anything else!  But this longing for Him goes much deeper.  When Terry and I are apart for any length of time I have a longing to be beside him again.  This longing intensifies with the years, doesn't fade.  And so our longing for time with Christ is deeper, when our hearts are soft.  When our hearts are hard we just do what we must to get through the day.  When our hearts are soft we take careful steps walking through the doors He has opened. Then we feel joy.  Real joy.  Dare I say "enjoyment".  Joy that comes from Him is present even in the most difficult of circumstances and mundane tasks.  So how is your heart?  What is your heart's spiritual diagnosis?  My prayer for you and me this week is that Christ would remove our scabs.  That He would do spiritual surgery.  Taking His Spirit and slicing through all the way to the soft flesh.  The part where we can feel conviction again, hear His prompting and have love towards others even when it is most difficult.  Father you have our hearts, please pour your Holy Spirit on us like oil.  Soothe the cracks and make them soft again. Give us an unquenchable passion and thirst to know you more.  Convict us of wrong thinking, and draw us to you.  Amen.
Love you,
Carrie