It hit me like a ton of bricks just a few minutes ago....I am a parental failure! I have come to realize I have been parenting all wrong the whole time and I only hope God's grace will cover all my mistakes and fill in the gaps. I am ashamed to admit but feel compelled to share at the same time. Go ahead and call me "Crazy". Maybe in my confession I can prevent any of you who are behind me from making the same mistakes.
I am just going to say it real fast.
I have tried to prevent my kids from suffering.
It all started at the moment of conception. When I started backing off of caffeine and artificial sweeteners during pregnancy. Not wanting to hurt their developing brains and cause ADD or something. (which obviously didn't work) Those things were smart. But then came advice like "don't raise your arms over your head or you could wrap the umbilical cord around the baby's neck". What??? Now while I did not follow that little nugget I have found my self from infant to teen, trying to buffer, what the world outside my four walls could hurl at my 3, soon to be 4 little offspring. Obviously trying to prevent physical harm is right along with what my Heavenly Father would ask but as far as suffering period I think I have done them an injustice. News Flash kids: people are going to be mean to you. They are going to hit, lie, judge, spit, push, gossip and all other horrible things to you. Just as they did to our Jesus. All of this started out of a very pure motivation. I love them. And not to uncover all the stuff that I asked Jesus to toss, but my own growing up had a little more pain in it than I wanted for my own children. But now as I wade through these new waters called "gulp" puberty I think I have neglected the pure prize of suffering. A follower of Christ can not deny that never are we closer to the heart of God than when we are hurting. Over and over again God declares "I am close to the broken hearted". Please don't misunderstand what I am saying. I am definitely not endorsing chasing after pain or risks in order to draw near to God. I have simply discovered the joy in the pain that comes at a believer on this journey. And I do not want to over protect and deny my children of the shaping that takes place through the bumpy and sometimes harsh moments of life. At the ripe old age of 35 I can shout "I am grateful for the God-ordained suffering". For example, watching my parents divorce caused me to search for and treasure a Godly husband. Call me mushy but yes I still dang near swoon every day of my life with Terry Eugene Smith. (Get.Over.It. and go swoon over your man and quit making fun of me.) Trying not to sound cliche here but those gut-wrenching days made me who I am today. Broken. Redeemed. Healed. Yes, healed. He rescued me. He healed me. Tears flow from grateful eyes and a humble heart. Do I really want to pull my kids out of those moments? Only putting them around people just like them? Only putting them in situations where they will succeed? If so, where is their need for Christ? Even now Satan whispers this will be misunderstood. What kind of parent wishes pain on their children's lives? That is not what I pray for. I pray for Christ to heal their hurts. I pray for Christ to be their best friend when there is no one, not one. I pray for God to show through them His glory in the midst of victories, yes, but more often their humility. I pray that their testimony be potent to a hurting world.
Isaiah 61:1 is a prayer of my heart. That as my wounds have been bound and as I have been set free, that I may in turn be used to do the same. That is where the beauty of the suffering shines. Caleb, Grace-Ann, Jacob.....May the Spirit of the Lord God be upon you, may you bring good news to the poor; may you bind up the brokenhearted, proclaim liberty to the captives, and the opening of the prison to those who are bound. .
Tuesday, January 22, 2013
Thursday, September 27, 2012
Hope is......
Hope.
I have learned the last couple of months that "hope" is not something that can be conjured up in ones heart and mind. It is not something that comes from enough positive thinking or good ol honest effort. It isn't something that you just wake up feeling on a good day. That is not real hope. There is nothing in and of this world that can produce or bring real hope to a soul that is in a dark and lonely place. Sure there are a lot of things here that can bring comfort. Things like a hot cup of black coffee and a really, really good doughnut. A warm hug from my husband or my children. But the comfort that those things bring is fleeting and ends with the last bite or as soon as the embrace is over. I have learned and I mean really, really learned that the only place that real hope can be found is from our Father. Our God's Holy Spirit is the only voice that can speak and coax a soul determined on withering away within itself to come out and live. Sometimes I can get overwhelmed with the pain behind me and around me that I just want to crawl in a hole, retreat, isolate. Hopeless. I neglect His words, refusing to find comfort, I forget there has ever been any hope and surely none will come. Like someone who enjoys picking a scab and not wanting to be healed. But from that deep and dark place comes a whisper from my Lord. The only true lover of my soul surveys the rubble around me and beckons me to once again place my eyes on Him, that He promises to do a new thing, of which I have never seen. My past does not determine my future when my future is banked on Him. And just like that my soul begins to feel hope again. Not fake shallow hope. But real hope. Hope that is still there despite circumstances and hurtful words. And how did it come? Straight from His own mouth. Words that He has spoken and had written down seemingly just for me. You know I always write to you where I am. So if this seemed heavy I apologize but I have been heavy. I often have ideas for emails, ways to encourage you or inspire you, but always He is very clear about what I am to share. His message of hope has been burning in my mind like a hot coal that I can't find anywhere to put down. I feel I have been brought low, so low these last several months and found myself questioning where did my "hope" go? Is my hope real? True? Lasting? Afraid at times that this feeling may be permanent. But I have found Him more real and true than the situations I am in. So I guess through this email I want to offer if I can a little encouragement, for I can not offer you "hope" I can only tell you to go to The Word. There and only there will you find the hope you are looking for. We can sing about it. We can read inspiring books about feeling good. We can hire our own squad of cheerleaders. We can get a spiritual guru for crying out loud. But real hope is found in only one place. His Holy Scriptures.
“And now, O Lord, for what do I wait? My hope is in you.
Psalm 39:6-8
Please don't forget our Chicks and Chocolate is next Thursday, October 4 at the home of Lynn Bridges. It is going to be a special time as we learn about Muslim women and intercede for them in prayer. Bring a chocolate dessert and a scarf for your head and a towel to pray on. We are going to have a special speaker. You don't want to miss it, I promise!
Pressing On,
Carrie
I have learned the last couple of months that "hope" is not something that can be conjured up in ones heart and mind. It is not something that comes from enough positive thinking or good ol honest effort. It isn't something that you just wake up feeling on a good day. That is not real hope. There is nothing in and of this world that can produce or bring real hope to a soul that is in a dark and lonely place. Sure there are a lot of things here that can bring comfort. Things like a hot cup of black coffee and a really, really good doughnut. A warm hug from my husband or my children. But the comfort that those things bring is fleeting and ends with the last bite or as soon as the embrace is over. I have learned and I mean really, really learned that the only place that real hope can be found is from our Father. Our God's Holy Spirit is the only voice that can speak and coax a soul determined on withering away within itself to come out and live. Sometimes I can get overwhelmed with the pain behind me and around me that I just want to crawl in a hole, retreat, isolate. Hopeless. I neglect His words, refusing to find comfort, I forget there has ever been any hope and surely none will come. Like someone who enjoys picking a scab and not wanting to be healed. But from that deep and dark place comes a whisper from my Lord. The only true lover of my soul surveys the rubble around me and beckons me to once again place my eyes on Him, that He promises to do a new thing, of which I have never seen. My past does not determine my future when my future is banked on Him. And just like that my soul begins to feel hope again. Not fake shallow hope. But real hope. Hope that is still there despite circumstances and hurtful words. And how did it come? Straight from His own mouth. Words that He has spoken and had written down seemingly just for me. You know I always write to you where I am. So if this seemed heavy I apologize but I have been heavy. I often have ideas for emails, ways to encourage you or inspire you, but always He is very clear about what I am to share. His message of hope has been burning in my mind like a hot coal that I can't find anywhere to put down. I feel I have been brought low, so low these last several months and found myself questioning where did my "hope" go? Is my hope real? True? Lasting? Afraid at times that this feeling may be permanent. But I have found Him more real and true than the situations I am in. So I guess through this email I want to offer if I can a little encouragement, for I can not offer you "hope" I can only tell you to go to The Word. There and only there will you find the hope you are looking for. We can sing about it. We can read inspiring books about feeling good. We can hire our own squad of cheerleaders. We can get a spiritual guru for crying out loud. But real hope is found in only one place. His Holy Scriptures.
“And now, O Lord, for what do I wait? My hope is in you.
Psalm 39:6-8
Please don't forget our Chicks and Chocolate is next Thursday, October 4 at the home of Lynn Bridges. It is going to be a special time as we learn about Muslim women and intercede for them in prayer. Bring a chocolate dessert and a scarf for your head and a towel to pray on. We are going to have a special speaker. You don't want to miss it, I promise!
Pressing On,
Carrie
Wednesday, August 22, 2012
phones, mirrors and swords
Terry and I were just having a conversation on the phone that involved me saying " I would rather God continue showing me my sin, as painful as it is, then to leave me alone". These past two years of my life God has allowed His words to be a mirror. The kind that I had as a teenager. You know the mirror that on one side you look normal but on the other side every flaw is magnified. For several months God has highlighted all my sin. Sometimes it has felt like more than my soul could bear. But always the pain has been followed with grace and mercy and forgiveness. We have also seen Him move in really big ways. It seems that the Christian life is one of pain and blessing working hand in hand. Today I fight deep grief over an area of pride and cynicism that He has revealed that did not belong in one of His childrens life. Oh how it turned my stomach. Then the gratefulness of Him protecting me from myself. Protecting me from marring His name. With all my heart, soul, and mind I want to live for Him and bring Him glory, to make His name renown. But how much my flesh gets in the way. Several months ago I received an old book that likened this flesh and spirit tug of war to weapons. Our spirit being like a sword that needs to be sharpened everyday. Sharpening the spirit comes from time with Christ in prayer and the Scriptures. This sharpening of the spirit will result in a mouth that speaks kindly, sparingly, affirmatively and respectfully. I have wrote these words on my hand, on post it notes around the house, I may even get a tatoo of it! (Just kidding) So many of my sins fall into sins of the mouth. I just can't seem to shut myself up! These sins show up like big ugly zits in my magnifying mirror. I would bet it is safe to say some of you or women you know have this struggle. I would even say that there is an epidemic among Christian women not controlling their mouths. Never giving a thought to the words that stab at our children, our neighbors, or our friends. As women of God we are to be growing, changing and leaving our wretched sin habits behind. Sadly, too many of us sit on our salvation. Missing the blessing of watching Him truly change our hearts and minds. There has yet to be a more greater miracle than a changed life for Christ. This change is not complete until we take our first breath in heaven. May we all take our sin seriously. As seriously as Christ took it, all the way to the cross. There, He took our sins, nailing them to that cross. And daily that is where we are to take them, allowing Him to crucify them, and just as He was resurrected, so are we as we leave the flesh there. Painful, yes, very. Worth it, yes, oh so much.
As for our adoption we are attempting to send off the dossier this week. Dossier is just a fancy word for a big stack of complicated and costly paperwork. This dossier has been a thorn in my side for too, too many months. I had hoped and prayed that it would leave my hands in June, but God has His own time table. And for that I can honestly say I am grateful. He has Smith #6 already in mind and I must wait for Him to bring it about in His timing. Please continue to pray for us as we have shed many tears from the frustrating process. It is very hard to explain to a 9 year old why exactly we just can't go get this child who needs us, NOW!! Please continue that there will be no more hold ups with the dossier. Please pray for us to live intentionally as we wait for more of His plan to unfold.
Pressing On,
Carrie
As for our adoption we are attempting to send off the dossier this week. Dossier is just a fancy word for a big stack of complicated and costly paperwork. This dossier has been a thorn in my side for too, too many months. I had hoped and prayed that it would leave my hands in June, but God has His own time table. And for that I can honestly say I am grateful. He has Smith #6 already in mind and I must wait for Him to bring it about in His timing. Please continue to pray for us as we have shed many tears from the frustrating process. It is very hard to explain to a 9 year old why exactly we just can't go get this child who needs us, NOW!! Please continue that there will be no more hold ups with the dossier. Please pray for us to live intentionally as we wait for more of His plan to unfold.
Pressing On,
Carrie
Wednesday, June 27, 2012
I'm learning to be the light....
Morning girls! Hope you are all finding ways to stay cool!!
Lots of reading, studying and discussing going on around my house lately about serving others. We have been using Christ's sermon on the mount as our example. Ouch! I must confess that I have always thought I was a pretty good servant. I really do enjoy taking care and serving my children and Terry. But yesterday Christ and His word put me firmly in my place about just how truly rotten I am. He showed me a picture of my motives for serving. I hate to admit I am fairly choosy to whom I serve. If it comes to serving someone difficult, I am not the first to sign up for that. Sadly, Christ does not give us an escape clause. He does not say serve the ones you love, like or appreciate. He does not say to love the ones who are like you. He doesn't even say serve all unless they hurt you then you can be excused. Nope! Christ commands love to all, serve all, be gracious to all, forgive all and judge none! I had a moment in the car where I was really giving Him a piece of my mind about these difficult people I was having to love and serve. Then, as only the Holy Spirit can do He showed me a picture of a missionary. A missionary who loved God and wanted to serve Him by serving others in Africa. This missionary gets to Africa and finds a group of people in desperate need of love and mercy and food. Only there are too many. So the missionary calls the group of people together and begins to divide them up. She first separates them into the clean and unclean. She dismisses the unclean. From the clean she divides them into pretty and not so pretty. She sends the not so pretty home. From there she continues to set apart those who have shown her gratefulness and those who seem apathetic. The apathetic are sent away. She is left with a tiny group of people to serve. But she can serve them cause they are easy and lovely and grateful and love her back. Sounds crazy right?? But that is a picture of what I do. SINFUL!! Christ showed me that when He offered me salvation I was ugly, ungrateful and dirty. I still am. In Hebrews 5, the Bible speaks of a priest being able to deal gently with the ignorant and wayward, since he himself is beset with weakness. There. I have been firmly and squarely dealt with. I have been convicted and set straight. God has spoken! To not repent, to not bend my knee and my will is not only rebellious and selfish but treacherous to those around me who follow after me, mainly my children. They are watching me serve those difficult ones. Am I serving with a right heart before them? Or do I feel I have been slighted and that I am entitled to better? What I must continually remind myself is I am entitled to hell, and nothing more, ever! I have been shown such kindness in the midst of my selfishness, how dare I not give that same grace to others. Who am I to declare who is worthy of "my grace"? I am building a city on a hill with a candle in it that is constantly being battered and blown by the enemy who wants me to come down off this hill and build a home all for myself in the dark. It is a fight against the flesh daily and we must never stop allowing our flesh to meet up against God's words. It is the only way we can move up that hill, to draw others to Him. Praise Him that He never leaves us to ourselves. Praise Him that He disciplines us before we make a mess out of every relationship within our reach. I share so personally with you because I want you to grow with me, to keep walking this way with me. So that we may all be a city on a hill.........
Pressing On
Carrie
Lots of reading, studying and discussing going on around my house lately about serving others. We have been using Christ's sermon on the mount as our example. Ouch! I must confess that I have always thought I was a pretty good servant. I really do enjoy taking care and serving my children and Terry. But yesterday Christ and His word put me firmly in my place about just how truly rotten I am. He showed me a picture of my motives for serving. I hate to admit I am fairly choosy to whom I serve. If it comes to serving someone difficult, I am not the first to sign up for that. Sadly, Christ does not give us an escape clause. He does not say serve the ones you love, like or appreciate. He does not say to love the ones who are like you. He doesn't even say serve all unless they hurt you then you can be excused. Nope! Christ commands love to all, serve all, be gracious to all, forgive all and judge none! I had a moment in the car where I was really giving Him a piece of my mind about these difficult people I was having to love and serve. Then, as only the Holy Spirit can do He showed me a picture of a missionary. A missionary who loved God and wanted to serve Him by serving others in Africa. This missionary gets to Africa and finds a group of people in desperate need of love and mercy and food. Only there are too many. So the missionary calls the group of people together and begins to divide them up. She first separates them into the clean and unclean. She dismisses the unclean. From the clean she divides them into pretty and not so pretty. She sends the not so pretty home. From there she continues to set apart those who have shown her gratefulness and those who seem apathetic. The apathetic are sent away. She is left with a tiny group of people to serve. But she can serve them cause they are easy and lovely and grateful and love her back. Sounds crazy right?? But that is a picture of what I do. SINFUL!! Christ showed me that when He offered me salvation I was ugly, ungrateful and dirty. I still am. In Hebrews 5, the Bible speaks of a priest being able to deal gently with the ignorant and wayward, since he himself is beset with weakness. There. I have been firmly and squarely dealt with. I have been convicted and set straight. God has spoken! To not repent, to not bend my knee and my will is not only rebellious and selfish but treacherous to those around me who follow after me, mainly my children. They are watching me serve those difficult ones. Am I serving with a right heart before them? Or do I feel I have been slighted and that I am entitled to better? What I must continually remind myself is I am entitled to hell, and nothing more, ever! I have been shown such kindness in the midst of my selfishness, how dare I not give that same grace to others. Who am I to declare who is worthy of "my grace"? I am building a city on a hill with a candle in it that is constantly being battered and blown by the enemy who wants me to come down off this hill and build a home all for myself in the dark. It is a fight against the flesh daily and we must never stop allowing our flesh to meet up against God's words. It is the only way we can move up that hill, to draw others to Him. Praise Him that He never leaves us to ourselves. Praise Him that He disciplines us before we make a mess out of every relationship within our reach. I share so personally with you because I want you to grow with me, to keep walking this way with me. So that we may all be a city on a hill.........
Pressing On
Carrie
Friday, June 1, 2012
With tissue in hand I write...
I have attempted several times to sit down and write of the recent events
pertaining to our adoption. Every single time I have been overcome with
emotion and unable to get my thoughts together. I feel like John when he
wrote in his gospel "And there are also many other things that Jesus did,
which if they were written one by one, I suppose that even the world itself
could not contain the books that would be written. Amen. "(John 21:25)
But here I go again, in an effort to try to share with you the great way
God has moved.
Many of you may already know. You may have even been in the service two
weeks ago at GLBC. But for those of you who are unaware....
Terry and I are blessed beyond measure to be a part of an adoption group
called Levi Circle. These people have a hot heart for anything that Jesus
had a hot heart about involving the orphan. When we meet, we leave feeling
renewed and energized to keep moving forward in this long process. This
precious group donated $1,000 to our expenses and challenged our church to
match this grant. What God did through GLBC is mind blowing. Grove Level
Baptist Church not only matched it but went beyond it, delivering an amount
of more than $11,400! I wish I could tell you that when our Pastor
presented us with the amount that I was able to hold my self together in a
> respectable manner....But that is not true. I was overcome with emotion of
> which I have never known. I still am. I cried and cried and cried. I
> sweated and then cried some more. We were hoping for $3,000. It was such
> a huge confirmation that indeed Terry and I had heard right from our
> Savior, that somewhere there is Smith child #4 or 5 in Ethiopia, waiting
> for us. Again I struggle here for words. Trying to convey the weight of
> His glory I felt that night and continue to feel when I wake and when I lay
> down every night since..there just aren't enough words in my vocabulary.
> The Westminster Catechism says that our Scripture says "Mans primary
> purpose is to glorify God and enjoy Him forever." That is what every day
> of our lives boils down to. Every movement, every relationship, every
> decision is to bring Him glory and there is inexpressable joy in it. Trust
> me, I know. I hope this email makes sense. It was a real struggle for me
> to get this down. The tears flow at the drop of a hat now. I am
> constantly swamped by emotion. How great a God He is. How small am I. I
> am going to end this FINALLY with words to a favorite song of the Smiths...
>
> Could we with ink the ocean fill,
> And were the skies of parchment made,
> Were every stalk on earth a quill,
> And every man a scribe by trade;
> To write the love of God above
> Would drain the ocean dry;
> Nor could the scroll contain the whole,
> Though stretched from sky to sky.
>
>
> Pressing On
> Carrie
>
Saturday, May 19, 2012
They are weak but He is strong...
Happy Saturday!!
I find myself home alone....Yep alone on a Saturday. Unheard of around here. So I did what any respectful mother would do when she finds herself alone...I plopped down in the recliner (which I never get to sit in) and watched a movie. Or I tried to watch it. Half way through I stopped and decided to try a new recipe but it went too fast so then I had to clean the kitchen....and still no one home. In the midst of all this silence I wanted to share my morning with you. Lately, Terry and I have been described as "transparent". We have laughed, not really knowing if this was a complement or what. Is it good to share your weaknesses? Is it good to share with the world your many faults? Well good or bad, here I go again.
This morning, as I stood in the kitchen making my family waffles...one.at.a.time...Terry and I had a moment of...um..intense disagreement...To say the least I was a little angry. We did this,spat, in front of the kids. Now, we do not argue much, really hardly ever, honestly. So that made the whole scene rather comical to the children, which Terry seemed to enjoy WHICH only added heat to my anger. In the midst of the battle I get a phone call from a dear out-of-town friend. I did not answer it at first but then realize I can escape the kitchen if I announce I needed to call her back. So I did. Only to find out her and her precious family are in my driveway!! Now I don't know how you live but as for me I was still in pajamas and my house needed more than a quick pick me up...but we all hurried outside to greet them. As we talked, they revealed needing to meet with our Pastor and "would it be alright if he stopped by??" Now? Here? Now? Sure! Why not? I mean we are transparent right! A few minutes later in walks the Reverend, himself, I think tripping over a pair of shoes and a toy snake! The Lord dearly loves keeping me humble. After they left, the argument was forgotten and we went on with normal stuff. Mowing, scrubbing, etc. As I moved about my house I couldn't help but laugh at how God orchestrates events in our lives. How very imperfect I am and yet He still involves Himself in my family's lives. These thoughts led me to praying for God to give me wisdom as I parent a child about to turn 13. YIKES! Strength to keep up with a son who is in constant motion. And more love for a little girl developing into a young lady. Can I do it Lord? What am I thinking, adopting?? Am I even raising these 3 right? Then the mail ran....Grace-Ann leaps through the front door announcing we had an envelope from Show Hope. We had been waiting on this letter for a really really long time. (Show Hope is a organization started by Steven Curtis Chapman and his wife to aid families in the adoption process) We had applied for a grant several months ago. Today of all days, the letter came. I collapsed in a chair and the family gathered round. Nervously I fumbled to open it and read the words "We are pleased to inform you that you have been awarded an adoption assistance grant..." I cried. I am still. Just like that God intervened in my life again. Why? I don't know. As I cried and kept crying Terry asked me what was making me cry so much. My reply was this "We have no idea what we are doing and yet He gives us more" How humbling. How amazing. We live in a world where the best get rewarded. The prettiest get showcased. The strongest, quickest, smartest get spotlighted. And yet God says let me find the most inept people possible and bless them. Love them. Sing over them. So that I may get all the glory. Our weaknesses reveal our need for Him. O how I need Him. If it suits Him for His pleasure to continually remind me and those around me (including wonderful friends and my Pastor) that I am incompetent...then so be it. For I have seen things never thought imaginable. I have smelled Him in my home over the dirty dishes and the stained carpet. I have felt His overwhelming, sweet presence be thick and real on a Saturday afternoon when I was home all alone. So I will chase Him all the more. As I type and cry at the same time I beckon you to chase Him too. If you are discouraged, keep going. If you are tired, collapse in His arms. May you see your limits, weaknesses, setbacks as Christ setting the stage for His presence in your life.
Press on
Carrie
I find myself home alone....Yep alone on a Saturday. Unheard of around here. So I did what any respectful mother would do when she finds herself alone...I plopped down in the recliner (which I never get to sit in) and watched a movie. Or I tried to watch it. Half way through I stopped and decided to try a new recipe but it went too fast so then I had to clean the kitchen....and still no one home. In the midst of all this silence I wanted to share my morning with you. Lately, Terry and I have been described as "transparent". We have laughed, not really knowing if this was a complement or what. Is it good to share your weaknesses? Is it good to share with the world your many faults? Well good or bad, here I go again.
This morning, as I stood in the kitchen making my family waffles...one.at.a.time...Terry and I had a moment of...um..intense disagreement...To say the least I was a little angry. We did this,spat, in front of the kids. Now, we do not argue much, really hardly ever, honestly. So that made the whole scene rather comical to the children, which Terry seemed to enjoy WHICH only added heat to my anger. In the midst of the battle I get a phone call from a dear out-of-town friend. I did not answer it at first but then realize I can escape the kitchen if I announce I needed to call her back. So I did. Only to find out her and her precious family are in my driveway!! Now I don't know how you live but as for me I was still in pajamas and my house needed more than a quick pick me up...but we all hurried outside to greet them. As we talked, they revealed needing to meet with our Pastor and "would it be alright if he stopped by??" Now? Here? Now? Sure! Why not? I mean we are transparent right! A few minutes later in walks the Reverend, himself, I think tripping over a pair of shoes and a toy snake! The Lord dearly loves keeping me humble. After they left, the argument was forgotten and we went on with normal stuff. Mowing, scrubbing, etc. As I moved about my house I couldn't help but laugh at how God orchestrates events in our lives. How very imperfect I am and yet He still involves Himself in my family's lives. These thoughts led me to praying for God to give me wisdom as I parent a child about to turn 13. YIKES! Strength to keep up with a son who is in constant motion. And more love for a little girl developing into a young lady. Can I do it Lord? What am I thinking, adopting?? Am I even raising these 3 right? Then the mail ran....Grace-Ann leaps through the front door announcing we had an envelope from Show Hope. We had been waiting on this letter for a really really long time. (Show Hope is a organization started by Steven Curtis Chapman and his wife to aid families in the adoption process) We had applied for a grant several months ago. Today of all days, the letter came. I collapsed in a chair and the family gathered round. Nervously I fumbled to open it and read the words "We are pleased to inform you that you have been awarded an adoption assistance grant..." I cried. I am still. Just like that God intervened in my life again. Why? I don't know. As I cried and kept crying Terry asked me what was making me cry so much. My reply was this "We have no idea what we are doing and yet He gives us more" How humbling. How amazing. We live in a world where the best get rewarded. The prettiest get showcased. The strongest, quickest, smartest get spotlighted. And yet God says let me find the most inept people possible and bless them. Love them. Sing over them. So that I may get all the glory. Our weaknesses reveal our need for Him. O how I need Him. If it suits Him for His pleasure to continually remind me and those around me (including wonderful friends and my Pastor) that I am incompetent...then so be it. For I have seen things never thought imaginable. I have smelled Him in my home over the dirty dishes and the stained carpet. I have felt His overwhelming, sweet presence be thick and real on a Saturday afternoon when I was home all alone. So I will chase Him all the more. As I type and cry at the same time I beckon you to chase Him too. If you are discouraged, keep going. If you are tired, collapse in His arms. May you see your limits, weaknesses, setbacks as Christ setting the stage for His presence in your life.
Press on
Carrie
Friday, May 11, 2012
A quote for you superheroes..a.k.a THE MOM!
Zippa-Dee-Do-Dah It's Friday and I have absolutely NO plans tomorrow! Isn't that great? I hope you have an equally exciting weekend as I do!
Our week was crammed full and I am so very pumped about having some downtime with my brood. Also, with the anticipation of Mother's day this weekend I can feel myself already getting teary eyed. Sunday night Terry and I get to share about our adoption journey and I can't help but find God's timing perfect...Mother's day. Along with that thought here is a great quote I found from one of my heroes, Elisabeth Elliot
“Mothers are always on call, expected to have all the answers and limitless energies. They’re supposed to do everything; it’s taken for granted. How can you be and do everything expected of you? What you need is a habitual sense of the presence of God. Think that Almighty God, who created the stars and keeps the seasons revolving in perfect rhythm, is there in your kitchen, in your bathroom, in the laundry room, in the grocery store. Mothers, be prepared for an arduous struggle. Your calling is impossible without prayer, the comfort and instruction of the Scriptures and fellowship in your church.”
And this is a truth that carries over into any season of life, any job, any role that is required of us. We can not expect success or blessing or greater power or more influence without His words and His people. God bless you my sisters. I pray you would feel His presence about your most tedious task today. May you have a wonderful weekend full of rest and refreshment, family and fun. And some really good food too!
Press on
Carrie
Our week was crammed full and I am so very pumped about having some downtime with my brood. Also, with the anticipation of Mother's day this weekend I can feel myself already getting teary eyed. Sunday night Terry and I get to share about our adoption journey and I can't help but find God's timing perfect...Mother's day. Along with that thought here is a great quote I found from one of my heroes, Elisabeth Elliot
“Mothers are always on call, expected to have all the answers and limitless energies. They’re supposed to do everything; it’s taken for granted. How can you be and do everything expected of you? What you need is a habitual sense of the presence of God. Think that Almighty God, who created the stars and keeps the seasons revolving in perfect rhythm, is there in your kitchen, in your bathroom, in the laundry room, in the grocery store. Mothers, be prepared for an arduous struggle. Your calling is impossible without prayer, the comfort and instruction of the Scriptures and fellowship in your church.”
And this is a truth that carries over into any season of life, any job, any role that is required of us. We can not expect success or blessing or greater power or more influence without His words and His people. God bless you my sisters. I pray you would feel His presence about your most tedious task today. May you have a wonderful weekend full of rest and refreshment, family and fun. And some really good food too!
Press on
Carrie
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