my feet had almost slipped.....

Morning my friends.
Last night my husband drug himself home after a very long day.  He was relieved to be home and showered but he could not shake his heavy heart.  Since Wednesday he has been working with the power crews.  (Thankfully he has not been on the power poles)  He worked on a road yesterday that just a couple of weeks ago was full of homes and trees and life and now nothing is there.  No  homes, no trees, no life, just devastation.  His heart and now mine is broken for these people.  I am sure your heart is too.  All week I have been rolling ideas around about what to share with you girls.  It seems since I do this so much that I now think in emails.  Ha!  I had thought maybe I would share some thoughts on carnal Christians or maybe even  how kids are meant to be a blessing not a burden.  But after the storm one scripture just kept resonating in my mind.  It is Psalm 73.  I shared it with my Sunday school one morning but it seems to fit now too.  I have been thinking of all this destruction so close to us, it seems these are hopeless times.  Asaph the writer of this Psalm felt the same way too.  He starts out saying 
Surely God is good to Israel, to those who are pure in heart. 
But then the next verse says
But as for me, my feet had almost slipped; I had nearly lost my foothold.When we begin to look at the world around us at all the hurting and pain we can begin to slip.  Slip in our faith, slip in our trust in God.  He continues..
For I envied the arrogant when I saw the prosperity of the wicked.  They have no struggles' their bodies are healthy and strong.  They are free from       the    burdens common to man they are not plagued by human ills
Skipping on down to verse 12 He continues lamenting
This is what the wicked are like- always carefree, they increase in wealth.
Isn't it strange in the same 30 min news segment to see the tornado damage and the Royal wedding?  If we take our eyes off Him for a second we too will say the same.  Asaph goes on to say that
Surely in vain have I kept my heart pure
the next couple of verses he lists all that he has been through.  He is sort of complaining.  Saying "I have it so hard and they have it so easy"....  But then my most favorite part
till I entered the sanctuary of God;
The verses that follow that he begins to repent saying
I was senseless and ignorant...a brute beast before you
Please tell me you can relate....
Then this is my most favorite part.  I know I have already said that but this is my really really favorite part
Yet I am always with you, you hold me by my right hand.  You guide me with your counsel and afterward you will take me into glory.  Whom have I in heaven but you?  And earth has nothing I desire besides you.  My flesh and my heart may fail, but God is the strength of my heart and my portion forever.....
Then ending it with
But as for me, it is good to be near God.  I have made the Sovereign Lord my refuge;  I will tell of all your deeds.
That makes me want to shout...seriously!  There are tribulations all around.  Physical tornadoes and then the tornadoes that wreck our families, our souls.  But to quote John MacArthur "we cannot let our faith be buried under self-pity"  Make Him our refuge!  The next time you are tempted to go by what is seen and question your God go to this Psalm and read it till you believe it again.  As always I am shouting at myself! Despite the circumstances we are not left alone on this planet, you are loved madly, there is a plan bigger than you and there is a God bigger than you at work in you and around you!  Sorry again for the length of this.  Also on a side note....if you read this and are my friend and you happen to catch me on a bad day You are not allowed to quote my blog back to me!!!!!!!!  You know who you are! 
As always I am with you in this, you are not a One-Only
Carrie

Truth, Lies and Worms

Good Morning Friends!
Monday morning as Terry was praying with me he prayed that God would help me to believe only His truth.  There are times when it feels like Terry knows me better than me and it really ticks me off.  But this time it warmed my heart and made me crumble.  He had nailed it.  Silently, secretly lies had wormed their way into my brain.  Worms, that is what they are.  The kids are working on a garden and in the process have dug up lots of worms.  Now I have read that worms are good for gardens.  So after they have brought each one to show me I have instructed for them to put them back.  The worms I am talking about here are not the good kind but the bad kind that eats and destroys whatever is good growing in your mind.  I have thought about lies and truth ever since Terry prayed that over me.  Our minds are like a plot of ground.  Our thoughts can either till the ground so that truth can be planted and we grow or thoughts can be a shovel that digs and digs away at the ground and soon we are so deeply in that we can't get out.  We can't even see light anymore.  Been there?  Lies come from everywhere.  They can come from within, since we are first fleshly  beings.  They can come from without.  You will never convince me that what you watch, read, listen to, hang out with does not influence your thinking.  I have heard it said there are two dogs inside us.  One being the flesh the other the Spirit.  Whichever one you feed will get bigger and stronger until it chases the other dog away!  Which one are you feeding?  It is so easy to feed the flesh.  Flip on the t.v and you can spend mindless hours feasting on every pleasure you fancy.  Listen to any station up and down the dial and you will find a song that will validate your mood and emotions.  Peruse any trash-azine at the grocery aisle and stuff yourself with fluff.  Oh but what is the harvest from that?  Things left undone, actions and decisions based on our rights, wants and desires.  When will we see that what we put in really comes out?  To feed the Spirit takes work just like anything worthwhile.  It takes making time to sit before the Father and let Him speak truth to you from His word and sometimes He whispers it in your ear.  It is too sweet!  It takes having the strength to pull the weeds or getting rid of all that crud that you are stuffing in.  In addition to His word find a good book by a godly author and read.  Even in little bits at a time.  Some of us have never moved any closer to God than our conversion.  And I want to tell you there is just so much more to this relationship.  God is really very romantic in His wooing.  He is tender and strong.  I have found Him able to be trusted with my deepest darkest secrets and failures.  Further on in Romans 1 Paul says that those who have exchanged truth for lies are senseless, faithless, heartless he even goes so far as to lump in murderers, evil, gossips ,God-Haters!  It is is bad enough to be called faithless but to be listed in with murderers and God-Haters...This is serious!  I also find it scary that in the same chapter he says that  they exchanged natural desires for the unnatural.  Now he was speaking of things they were involved in sexually (women, too) But I have known women who ingested lies instead of truth and as a result had no desire to mother their own children and walked away from their husbands.  Definitely not natural.  This life has enough pitfalls and snares but to continue on without His word takes away the guard rails, the bumper zones.  How do we know what is a lie?  In my experience a lie divides me.  From God, from Terry from my children, from my true purpose.  The truth propels me toward God, toward Terry toward Caleb, Grace-Ann and Jacob toward my purpose.  I hope this email makes you sober in your walk but also free from the entanglement of lies.  Run and be free, life is so much better that way.  I love you.
Untangling myself even now,
Carrie

a God-Ordained Deficiency

Good Morning all!  This morning I woke up with a very bad pain in my neck.  I think it is from all the sneezing and coughing I have been doing.  Could really use another trip to the chiropractor but I just went a couple of weeks ago!  When my neck gets like this it makes it really painful to do the smallest of chores.  Cooking or washing dishes can be difficult even sitting to just read to the kids is hard.  It is so aggravating to have so much to do but be unable to get it all done.  Can any of you relate?  Well last night in our "Radical" class we discussed just that.  I am not one to harp at anyone for missing church but I wish you could all be apart of this amazing small group.  Last night I was so overcome with conviction that I could hardly speak.  We discussed how God uses us and others in our weaknesses.  Not our strengths which honestly we would all prefer.  I think when He uses us through our "God-given" abilities we think we get to share in a little bit of His glory.  And we look so fabulous when we get to do something great for Him!  But that is not how He chooses to do His most powerful work.  No one admires weakness or flaws.  As I mentioned in my last email I HATE my weaknesses!  One area I have always hated is how there is just never enough money.  (I am sure some of you can relate to that!)  With three kids there is always someone in need of shoes, clothes, trips and so on and so on.  I have always hated saying to the kids "well I can't get that for you just yet" or "we will have to wait on that"  I have always longed for the moment when there would be enough money for everything everyone needed and wanted.  Last night I was faced with the truth that God has done His most amazing work in my life concerning my lack in this area.  Who am I to deny the King of the Universe an area in my life.  An area where He desires to get glory from I have said "NO!" or "Enough" How truly rotten.  So last night Terry and I continued to grapple with this issue.  The only thing we could think of was we are going to have to totally transform our thinking.  I mean scrape all this "moral filth" out and replace with His truth.  I mean really scrape cause it is clinging to my heart and brain.  Like barnacles stuck to a boat. (Sorry we are reading about ocean life in school)  I woke up with the pain in my neck and a heavy feeling in my chest.  But God took the heaviness away this morning in my time with Him.  I laid it at His feet.  Asked forgiveness and begged Him to transform and renew my mind.  I can't even begin to do this on my own.  To take pride in my humble estate as it says in James.  As Americans, as humans we try to get out of our humble estate to something better and grander!  And really can I truly call what I am living in humble?  Compared to what millions of others are living in and dealing with, going without.  I think not.  I have rambled on so this morning I know.  Forgive me.  Sometimes these emails help me to process what God is doing in my heart.  I hope that today when you begin to loathe a certain area of your life I hope this gives you a new perspective.  That this flaw or weakness or lack is a God-Ordained deficiency. 
Love you and have a great week walking with Him
Carrie

My mirror needed cleaning....

Good Morning Everyone!  This sunshine is simply amazing isn't it!  I don't know if all of you heard the news but last week we had someone call and offer to pay for the first step of our adoption! To type the words "we were excited" just doesn't sound right.  We were over the moon.  We knew God told us to adopt.  We knew we didn't have the means ourselves to adopt.  We knew we were to wait on God to provide.  However when He did we were floored!  We literally fell on our face!  Which leads me to the meat of my email...
     Alot of people have been sending us emails or telling us how "good" we are.  I have heard this from all types of people.  I have been told that I was so "good" for staying home with my kids.  That I am "good" for homeschooling.  I am a "good" christian.  I am a "good" wife, a "good" cook, a "good" person for adopting someone of another race, another baby......  Now don't get me wrong I love complements as much as the next girl but  to call ME "good" makes me think Ha!
     One of the books I am reading right now is titled Feminine Appeal, by Carolyn Mahaney.  In it she talks about the Bible calling us to kindness and goodness.  Ouch!  She quotes another author who defines kindness as a sincere desire for the happiness of others.  And goodness as the activity  calculated to advance that happiness.  Again I say Ouch!  I don't know if that really defines me most of the time.  So this email I thought I would share maybe confess how I am really not good or kind, alot!
     Here goes....
1.  I have a temper.  I am sure there are a million excuses I could use with this but I won't.  It is a lack of self-control!
2. I yell at my kids alot.  I hate this about me and have really tried to work on it.
3.  I am impatient with my kids but can be patient and hold my tongue
with people I dont even know, like the cashier or bank lady. So wrong I know!
4.  Showering sometimes seems like a big ordeal that I would rather skip if I am not going anywhere!  (Hey don't judge a confessing sinner)
5.  I don't like to ask anyone for anything.  I think this would fall under the category of pride.  I don't like to appear like I need anything.
6.  I weigh myself everyday.  Sometimes it ruins my day if I don't and panic all day about if I gained or not.  Again pride rears its ugly head!
7.  I have a problem with authority.  Terry was the first one to point this out after we were married.  To put a better spin on it I just don't like to be told what to do.  That really doesn't sound any better.  This has been  a struggle since I was in school.  Believe it or not I was the girl always being put out in the hall or being sent to the office.  It is true.  I have come a long way.  But sometimes I revert to my old ways and become stiff necked and unsubmissive! 
8.  I am a starter not a finisher.  Yuck I hate typing that.  Right now I am reading 3 different books.  Crazy I know.  Maybe I have ADD.  Nope just lack of perseverance.  More sin!
9.  I don't sleep much at night.  This is connected to the sin of worrying.  I have also come a long way here too but struggle at times still.
10.  Since I confessed #9 I must confess I don't like to get up early.  I have recently tried to change my ways and have found some new success in this area.  But it is a daily struggle.
11.  I love to eat out!  Sometimes when our budget doesn't allow it I get a little pouty.  That was a hard one to confess!
12.  I am a recovering hypochondriac. 
13.  I am usually behind in my laundry.
14.  I  usually have mildewed kitchen rags.  I know so ugly.  I think this falls under laziness.  And gross!
15.  I worry about what people will think of me alot.  After I send this email I will worry that you know me better and you find me weird, or lazy or worse not "good" But now it is confessed!
     So now you know part of the real me.  NOw you know truly there is nothing good or kind that comes from me naturally.  I am a cracked pot.  Anything that comes from me that is worthy of praise truly comes from the work of my Heavenly Father who is the creator of all good things.  I get squeezed with conviction everyday of my life.  The more time I spend with Him the more I realize how awful I really am.  I read this morning that our souls are mirrors reflecting our God.  And our sin clouds the mirror.  I am constantly in need of  cleansing.  How about you?
Lovingly passing the Windex,
Carrie